Unexpected Change Accelerates Personal Transformation Through Proactive Strategies

Key Quotes

"There's this fascinating research study which shows that people are more stressed when they're told they have a 50% chance of receiving an electric shock than when they're told they have a 100% chance of receiving an electric shock. So we would rather be certain that a bad thing is going to happen than to have to grapple with any uncertainty."

Dr. Maya Shankar highlights that humans are wired to fear uncertainty, even preferring a guaranteed negative outcome over an unknown one. This research explains why unexpected changes are so unsettling, as they introduce a high degree of ambiguity. Dr. Shankar's observation points to a fundamental aspect of human psychology that makes navigating life's curveballs particularly challenging.

"Another reason why change is so scary is that it involves loss of some kind. Almost by definition, we are moving from one way of being, an old way of being, into a new way of being. So even when the change is good, there's still some element of grief that accompanies that shift."

Dr. Maya Shankar explains that change inherently involves a sense of loss, even when the change is perceived as positive. This occurs because transitioning from a known state to an unknown one, by definition, means leaving something behind. Dr. Shankar's insight suggests that acknowledging this grief is a crucial part of processing any significant life shift.

"Research shows that we greatly underestimate how much we'll change in the future, even though we fully acknowledge that we've changed considerably in the past. Again, I so resonate with this, because if you showed me footage from my years as an undergrad, from 17-year-old Maya, which as your professor I can, and you have, I have the receipts. You have all of that blackmail on me. I will have a total cringe moment. I'll be like, 'Who is that person? Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed that she was ever like that.'"

Dr. Maya Shankar discusses the "end of history illusion," where individuals underestimate their future personal growth while recognizing past transformations. Dr. Shankar uses her own experience of cringing at past footage to illustrate this phenomenon. This illusion, as explained by Dr. Shankar, can lead people to believe they are a finished product, unprepared for the changes they will inevitably undergo.

"In other words, when a big change happens to us, it can also lead to profound change within us. That's because the unique stresses and demands of being thrust into this new reality can uncover unexpected and sometimes astonishing insights to us about who we are that were previously hidden from view."

Dr. Maya Shankar argues that significant life changes can act as catalysts for internal transformation. The pressures and requirements of adapting to a new reality can reveal previously unknown aspects of one's character and capabilities. Dr. Shankar's perspective suggests that these disruptions, while difficult, can lead to profound self-discovery.

"The origin of the word apocalypse, it actually comes from the Greek word 'apocalypsis,' and that means revelation. While change can upend things, it can also reveal things to us about who we are."

Dr. Maya Shankar connects the concept of "apocalypse" to its Greek root meaning "revelation." She posits that while major changes can disrupt our lives, they also serve to uncover hidden truths about ourselves. Dr. Shankar's interpretation reframes disruptive events as opportunities for self-understanding.

"So if unexpected change can reshape who we become, is there a way to help guide that process? After the break, Maya will walk us through specific tools that can help us navigate these shifts in healthier ways so that unexpected changes become opportunities for growth rather than leaving us stuck."

Dr. Laurie Santos introduces the upcoming segment where Dr. Maya Shankar will provide practical strategies for managing unexpected life changes. Dr. Santos frames these shifts not just as challenges but as potential avenues for personal growth. This sets the stage for actionable advice on transforming difficult circumstances into opportunities.

"A self-affirmation exercise involves actively shifting your mental spotlight towards aspects of yourself that you really value, but that importantly are not threatened by the change you're going through. So, for example, if you are struggling with a challenging moment in your relationship, you might use the affirmation exercise to remind yourself that you really value the community you have at work, or your spiritual life, or your ability to play pickleball, or whatever it is, the things that really make you whole."

Dr. Maya Shankar explains the self-affirmation exercise as a technique to focus on valued aspects of oneself that remain unaffected by a current challenge. Dr. Shankar provides examples such as valuing one's work community or spiritual life when facing relationship difficulties. This method, as described by Dr. Shankar, helps maintain a broader sense of self beyond the immediate crisis.

"What I've realized in having hundreds of conversations over the years with people on 'A Slight Change of Plans' and then interviewing them for my book is that by and large, while people might not have been necessarily grateful for the change itself, they were deeply grateful for the person they became as a result of their change."

Dr. Maya Shankar shares an insight gained from extensive conversations and research, noting that individuals often express gratitude not for the difficult change itself, but for the personal growth it facilitated. Dr. Shankar's observation highlights a common human experience of finding value in the transformation that follows adversity. This suggests that the outcome of change can be more significant than the initial event.

"So the relevant question to ask in the face of change isn't, 'How the hell am I going to navigate this change?' but rather, 'How will I, with potentially new capabilities and perspectives and values, navigate this change?'"

Dr. Maya Shankar proposes a reframing of the central question when confronting significant change. Instead of focusing on the immediate difficulty of navigating the situation, Dr. Shankar suggests asking how one, having potentially developed new skills and perspectives, will approach it. This shift in questioning, according to Dr. Shankar, acknowledges the transformative potential of change.

"So what's interesting about change is that when we navigate a change, our possible selves can shift dramatically in response to our new circumstances. So let's say we're facing an illness, or the end of a relationship, or the loss of a job. We now feel all these doors closing, and our life feels so constrained and small. But what I learned from writing 'The Other Side of Change' is that sometimes our minds constrain us beyond what is necessary, beyond what's reasonable."

Dr. Maya Shankar discusses how navigating change can drastically alter one's perception of future possibilities, often leading to a feeling of constraint. Dr. Shankar notes that while circumstances may close doors, our own minds can impose further limitations based on ingrained beliefs and experiences. This suggests that our internal narrative plays a significant role in how we perceive our potential after a major shift.

"So the first is to experience what psychologists call moral elevation. So moral elevation is that warm, fuzzy feeling that we often experience in our chests when we witness someone else's extraordinary actions