Wise Effort: Aligning Energy With Values For Vitality

Key Quotes

"Imagine if you will an unfortunate little bird who has accidentally made its way indoors and it does what birds do best which is i think what humans do too like we want to get out when we feel stuck and we go out in the predictable ways that maybe worked at some point to get us unstuck for a panicked bird that means flying as hard as possible into the nearest bright window it's smart it wants to go for that tree right but what happens when that bird flies at a window we all know it's that painful experience of hitting its head and sadly that poor little bird might not hit its head just once it will probably continue smashing itself into the glass over and over rather than pausing and rethinking its path to the outside world it just starts pushing into the glass even harder using more and more of its energy to slam into the window until it winds up exhausted or hurt or worse."

Dr. Diana Hill uses this analogy to illustrate how humans, like a trapped bird, often persist in ineffective behaviors when feeling stuck. The bird's frantic attempts to escape by repeatedly flying into a window represent an "unwise effort," where increased energy is applied to the same failing strategy, leading to exhaustion and potential harm rather than resolution. This highlights the importance of recognizing when a current approach is not working and the need to pause and re-evaluate.

"As a psychologist i've been training in and involved in this concept of psychological flexibility for a really long time and what that bird actually needs is not to fly harder at the same thing maybe it could use a little rest a little rest on that kitchen floor but not to you know give up but to use its energy differently that maybe look around look in places that you haven't looked before try new things and there may be an open door and that requires you to be flexible in your attention but then also flexible in your behavior and it doesn't mean you shouldn't fly so you can still be the bird that you are but shift that energy and attention to get out and to free yourself from whatever place you're stuck at."

Dr. Hill explains that true progress when stuck involves shifting one's approach rather than intensifying the current one. This requires "psychological flexibility," which means being open to new perspectives and behaviors, even if they differ from established patterns. The analogy of the bird resting and looking for an open door emphasizes that the solution often lies in changing one's focus and actions, not just exerting more effort in the same direction.

"You've argued that we need to pay attention to where our energy is going that this matters a lot why does it matter so much well energy is a kind of everything right one hour of something that brings you vitality of something that opens you up of even something that's a little bit hard for you but at the end of it you feel regenerated by is an hour that could shift your whole day right when our behavior is out of alignment with our values it actually can really de energize us and that's why a lot of people come to work with me as a therapist is because there's a misalignment of who they want to be how they want to show up and then it's showing up in dissatisfaction with life and so sometimes we're throwing way too much energy into the wrong things."

Dr. Hill emphasizes that the direction of our energy is crucial because it directly impacts our overall vitality and daily experience. She explains that when our actions are not aligned with our core values, it leads to a feeling of being drained and dissatisfied with life. This misalignment is a common reason people seek therapy, indicating that consciously directing energy toward value-aligned activities is essential for well-being.

"You know i kind of think curiosity and openness is the new mindfulness you know psychology goes through all these trends i've been in the field long enough to see the trends change so i'll tell you the next thing that's coming down the road down the pipe is openness so much so that um jonathan schooler who's at ucsb out here is changing the name of his center from the center of mindfulness to the center of openness because it's a little bit different than mindfulness it's staying open to the field of possibility and when you are stuck in an unwise effort often it's because you're that bird flying at the window and you are not open either your mind is not open you've already decided or you're being judgmental or you're stuck in a story but the nature of curiosity is also interesting in that the more curious you are the more things people experiences can become rewarding to you."

Dr. Hill posits that curiosity and openness are becoming increasingly important psychological concepts, potentially superseding mindfulness in trend. She explains that a lack of openness, characterized by pre-determined ideas or judgment, contributes to being stuck in "unwise effort," akin to the bird hitting the window. Conversely, cultivating curiosity makes experiences more rewarding and opens one up to new possibilities.

"One of the things we tend to do when we get scared or when we're frustrated or when we're angry is that we tend to have a narrowing of attention and a narrowing of our behavioral repertoire that narrowing actually leads us to stay more stuck so we first need variation but there's actually three steps to behavioral evolution one is variation the second one is selection notice when something works we have to notice when something is shifting and it may be working and then the third step is we have to reinforce and retain what works and we go through that cycle over and over again mix things up when you're stuck find things that are working and then retain and reinforce what does work but don't get so stuck in your habit you know just because it worked five years ago doesn't mean it's going to work now so we also need to stay open and flexible."

Dr. Hill outlines a three-step process for behavioral evolution, emphasizing the need for variation when feeling stuck. She notes that negative emotions often lead to a narrowed focus and limited behavioral options, which perpetuates being stuck. The process involves introducing variation, selecting what works, and then reinforcing those successful behaviors, while maintaining openness and flexibility to adapt to changing circumstances.

"Radical acceptance is willingness openness making space for allowing i'm using other words because some people do not like the word acceptance as a therapist i'm like this is going to be my next question because whenever i talk to my students about radical acceptance they'll be like well this is some you know terrible thing about the organization i work for or a thing that i'm really frustrated with in the world i don't want to just radically accept this thing that's bugging me those other words feel a little bit softer but the idea seems to be the same it's that like this is just a fact about the world so we could either keep denying that fact and sticking our head in the ground and avoiding it or we can just take a deep breath and realize that this is the way it is."

Dr. Hill clarifies that "radical acceptance" is not about approval or condoning negative situations but rather about acknowledging reality without resistance. She explains that this willingness to accept "what is," even if unpleasant, is a crucial step toward change. Denying facts and avoiding discomfort