Cultivating Confidence Through Physiology and Communication

Key Quotes

"I was again in valencia at this uh this event and uh a lady came up to me and she says you're getting ready to go on the stage how can you not be nervous and I said well I am nervous I'm just hiding it I'm acting like uh I'm in control but I've I've learned to do that because you don't want to look like a nervous fbi agent trust me you want to look cool calm and collected in negotiations um you don't want to uh look needy you don't want to look desperate um and at the same time you don't want to come across as you're indifferent and sometimes that demeanor that posture those gestures the the totality of it has a lot of meaning"

Joe Navarro explains that confidence, particularly in high-stakes situations like negotiations, is often a learned behavior rather than an innate trait. He highlights that appearing "cool, calm, and collected" involves managing nervousness and projecting a controlled demeanor through posture and gestures, which can significantly influence how others perceive you. Navarro emphasizes that avoiding the appearance of neediness or desperation is crucial for effective communication.

"The person who solves the problem goes into the detail and feels the emotion of the person that's telling the story only conveys it but doesn't know the emotion that is attached to solving it so when you when that little child finally figures out how to you know you give them a trick lock where you know what things have to go this way or this way and then the little thing opens when they come back and tell you that you see the gravity defying behavior the arching of the eyebrows the bright eyes and say and I solved it I solved it I got in there yeah right the problem the person that's just telling you the story doesn't know the emotion that goes with it"

Joe Navarro distinguishes between someone who has personally solved a problem and someone who is merely recounting a story about a problem being solved. Navarro argues that the true problem-solver will convey the emotional experience and detailed effort involved, characterized by specific physical cues like "gravity defying behavior, the arching of the eyebrows, the bright eyes." This emotional resonance, he suggests, is absent in those who only relay information without personal involvement.

"I think confidence can absolutely be trained coming from cuba where we lost everything arriving as a refugee having nothing and then all of a sudden the fbi asked me to become and I didn't apply to the fbi the fbi actually came to me and asked me to apply and then all of a sudden I said are you guys serious is like yeah I'm 23 years old you know I'm barely learning how to shave and with no confidence whatsoever and they teach you to be confident you can teach confidence and what I tell people is the easiest way to learn confidence is to be confident about one thing I don't care if it's you stack papers better than anybody else I don't care if it's the way you make your your bed any small thing show me that you're confident show me that that's better than anybody else's and the minute you can be confident about one thing now you can be confident about two things and then you can be confident about three things"

Joe Navarro asserts that confidence is a trainable skill, drawing from his personal experience of joining the FBI with little self-assurance. He proposes a practical method for building confidence by starting with mastering a single, small task, such as stacking papers or making a bed exceptionally well. Navarro believes that achieving confidence in one area can create a cascading effect, enabling individuals to build confidence in multiple other areas over time.

"I remember the first arrest I made and I said stop this is the fbi my voice was nobody was going to stop nobody nobody and the guys that were with me said Joe you got to work on your voice you have to have a command voice well a command voice is down like like stop right there I'll give you an example you talk to most executives and you say um no that's not acceptable it's too high no is always said down no are we are we gonna no that sounds like a complete sentence do you get you get them to practice saying no absolutely I I did it at you know for 10 years every every february the guy that uh Brian Hall who encouraged me to write my one of my books called louder than words invited me to go to Harvard and I'll never forget I had a a complete Harvard class I think there was uh 76 students and I had them all saying the word no no no going lower he just stepped out of the room for to take a call when he came back he he thought I had a cult going on I said no Brian I just I'm teaching them the right way because these are going to be future executives that you don't say no no no no no no no that sounds like a complete sentence no no that's not how it's gonna work and and it's always uh lower"

Joe Navarro emphasizes the importance of vocal tone in projecting authority, particularly the use of a "command voice." He illustrates this by explaining that a confident "no" is delivered with a downward inflection, contrasting it with an upward inflection that sounds uncertain or questioning. Navarro recounts teaching this technique to a Harvard class, demonstrating how practicing a lower, more assertive tone can instill a sense of command and authority in communication.

"The more confident we are the further our fingers are I care imagine if I said I care about you versus I care about you there's a big difference so in the first example you kind of had your fingers together and the second you spread them out this I care about this and so they potentiate the message um and the human brain evolved also to look for the hands because the hands number one can be used as a weapon but number two they are also emblematic of the emotions that um that we feel and I contact yes lots been said about eye contact and importance of it"

Joe Navarro connects hand gestures to confidence levels, suggesting that more confident individuals tend to spread their fingers wider. He uses the phrase "I care about you" as an example, showing how the physical gesture of spreading fingers amplifies the message of care. Navarro explains that the human brain is naturally attuned to observing hand movements because they can signal both potential threats and underlying emotions.

"You know that's an interesting observation Steven and it's and it's a very good that you observed the the discrepancy one of the things that I look for is what is the role going to be I I don't mind that somebody is nervous um I myself early on coming from a humble background was often nervous I tend to focus on the things that most organizations don't put into their plan to look for one of them is problem solving give me a list of the problems you have solved most most people when they hire they never ask that question they tell you know I can do excel I I know Microsoft I did that's great please tell me what problems you have solved at at your last job and and you know how efficiently did you do it"

Joe Navarro expresses that while observing a candidate's demeanor is valuable, his primary focus in hiring is on problem-solving