Cultivating Inner Self-Worth Beyond External Validation

Key Quotes

"I think there's so many different ways to define confidence and I think for me confidence is ultimately about self worth it's about knowing that you are enough exactly as you are and I think what confidence isn't and the way I don't define it is as being an extrovert so a lot of people think that if you are confident it must mean that you're comfortable being loud or you're charismatic and you kind of think that that's what it's about and but for me that's not it at all you know I think confidence is grounding it's quiet it's stable and one of my favorite definitions of confidence is that confident is about being able to walk into any room unapologetically yourself and walk out of it not worrying what everyone else thought of you and I think when you can get to that place that's when you know you've reached it."

Roxie Nafousi defines confidence not as outward loudness or charisma, but as an internal state of self-worth and self-acceptance. She emphasizes that true confidence allows one to be authentic in any situation without concern for external judgment. This perspective challenges the common perception of confidence as an extroverted trait.

"The problem with it as well is that it changes our self perception let's say that and I know you love that quote because I love it too that um I am not who I think I am I'm not who you think I am I'm who I think you think I am and I kind of explain it like this so I have I was so sat next to someone at a dinner once and she was an influencer and she said you know sometimes I'll post something that I really love on Instagram and it doesn't get any likes and then I think that that post is terrible so you start with let's say that you have a picture that you love of your family and you think this is such a beautiful picture I love it and then you post it and it doesn't get that measure of like that you are expecting so it gets 10 likes let's say and that for you doesn't feel enough and then instead of you thinking okay that just maybe not many people saw it today maybe it was the algorithm you actually start to question your own decision why did I post that was it even a good photo and so actually instead of thinking that it's and about anything else or there's any other reason for it you change your own perception of yourself or your own opinion of yourself and so I think that's where it's really damaging is that um yeah we don't just look for external guide us we look for it to tell us what we should think about ourselves."

Roxie Nafousi explains how external validation, particularly from social media, can negatively impact self-perception. She illustrates this with an example of an influencer whose self-worth is tied to likes on a post, leading them to question their own judgment. Nafousi highlights that this reliance on external opinions can lead individuals to internalize negative feedback and alter their self-opinion based on others' reactions.

"The reason for this is because thoughts become beliefs when they're repeated so many times and what we believe about ourselves determines our whole experience of the world because it becomes the filter through which you view everything every interaction every experience um everything is filtered through what you believe about yourself and the world -- and then interpreted and so for a really clear example of this would be let's say you were to hold a belief that you are naturally not good with people -- you have a belief that you're boring perhaps you had a belief that you were bad at making friends you then go to a dinner party and you meet someone new for the first time and because you hold this belief the way that you interpret this person's social cues whether they -- you might refocus on the fact that they look over your shoulder -- you may notice the fact that they didn't ask you a question but you really focus on the fact that they just talked about themselves -- and then you might really make the fact that they walked away to talk to someone else feel like this really big deal and as a result of the fact that you're viewing it through this lens of I know I'm not good with people or I'm not good at making new friends what happens is you're focusing on the wrong cues and then you'll actually become a bit defensive and then you create a self fulfilling prophecy."

Roxie Nafousi discusses the power of thoughts in shaping reality by becoming deeply ingrained beliefs. She uses the example of someone believing they are not good with people, which then causes them to interpret social interactions negatively, leading to a self-fulfilling prophecy. Nafousi emphasizes that these internal beliefs act as a filter, influencing how individuals perceive and react to the world around them.

"And I think that, you know, we talk about the barriers to confidence and one is of course the inner critic right that loud voice that is just telling you you're not good enough that's stopping you from putting your best foot forward but the other is this constant concern of what will someone else think and this is holding us back in so many ways whether it's creating people pleasing behavior it's stopping ourselves -- stopping us putting ourselves out there taking risks because we have fear of judgment and shame -- you know, there's so many things that it's that it's ruining for us really and so I've come up with in the book with these four essential truths and I really love them and so -- should we just go through them? Yeah, let's."

Roxie Nafousi identifies two primary barriers to confidence: the inner critic and the constant worry about others' opinions. She explains that these internal obstacles can lead to people-pleasing behaviors, a reluctance to take risks, and a general fear of judgment and shame. Nafousi introduces that she has developed four essential truths in her book to address these challenges.

"And I think that, you know, we talk about the barriers to confidence and one is of course the inner critic right that loud voice that is just telling you you're not good enough that's stopping you from putting your best foot forward but the other is this constant concern of what will someone else think and this is holding us back in so many ways whether it's creating people pleasing behavior it's stopping ourselves -- stopping us putting ourselves out there taking risks because we have fear of judgment and shame -- you know, there's so many things that it's that it's ruining for us really and so I've come up with in the book with these four essential truths and I really love them and so -- should we just go through them? Yeah, let's."

Roxie Nafousi identifies two primary barriers to confidence: the inner critic and the constant worry about others' opinions. She explains that these internal obstacles can lead to people-pleasing behaviors, a reluctance to take risks, and a general fear of judgment and shame. Nafousi introduces that she has developed four essential truths in her book to address these challenges.

"And I think that, you know,