Reclaim Your Timeline: Personal Control Trumps Societal Schedules

Key Quotes

"Sociologists call this the idea of a social clock milestones like marriage kids or career by a certain age but studies show that people who deviate from the social clock often report equal or greater life satisfaction so we think if i stay on track i'll be happier but the truth is those who deviate are either equally as happy or potentially even more happy there's no late there's only your time."

Jay Shetty explains that the societal pressure of a "social clock" dictates timelines for life milestones. However, Shetty highlights research indicating that individuals who deviate from these conventional timelines often experience equal or greater life satisfaction, suggesting that personal timing is more crucial than adherence to external schedules.

"The key factor wasn't when milestones happened but how much control and meaning people felt over their lives what we're struggling with at the root is 30 and 35 and 40 gives us a sense of control so when we get to 32 and we haven't found our person we think we've lost control we think we've lost agency we think we've lost the ability to choose we're not actually worried about age what we're really worried about is control."

Shetty identifies that the underlying concern behind feeling "behind" on life milestones is not the age itself, but a perceived loss of control and agency. He argues that the feeling of being in charge of one's choices is a more significant predictor of happiness than meeting specific age-related milestones.

"If you detach your self worth from society's stopwatch you actually increase your odds of life satisfaction the research proves what we keep trying to avoid you're not late you're only late if you're living by someone else's watch it's almost like you're living in new york but you're looking at someone who lives in poor and thinking you're behind well of course you're behind you live in new york you couldn't possibly be on the same time as singapore does that mean you're behind."

Shetty emphasizes that detaching one's self-worth from societal expectations, or "society's stopwatch," is key to increasing life satisfaction. He uses an analogy of different cities to illustrate that comparing one's progress to others on different timelines is illogical and unproductive, reinforcing that there is no universal definition of being "late."

"Careers are far less straight lines than they used to be most of these changes happen before age 35 meaning your 20s and early 30s are often about testing shifting and experimenting not locking into one perfect path see that's why you feel behind you're at an age that is actually more predisposed to experimentation and testing but because so many people are choosing not to do that and they might be doubling down you feel behind but you're actually at a natural pace you're actually finding yourself you're discovering yourself you're collecting skills you're collecting experiences and stories."

Shetty reframes career paths as non-linear and highlights that the 20s and early 30s are natural periods for exploration and experimentation. He explains that feeling "behind" in one's career is often a result of comparing this natural testing phase to others who may appear to have more linear paths, when in reality, this period is crucial for self-discovery and skill acquisition.

"Studies on neuroplasticity showed the brain can grow rewire and adapt well into your 60s and 70s the brain is built for reinvention at any age for decades scientists believed the brain was fixed after childhood but modern neuroscience flipped that belief the brain remains plastic changeable throughout life neuroplasticity means you can form new neural connections learn new skills and adapt to new environments even in your 60s and 70s and beyond."

Shetty introduces the concept of neuroplasticity, explaining that the brain's ability to adapt and form new connections continues throughout life, even into the 60s and 70s. This scientific understanding challenges the notion that the brain is fixed after childhood, indicating that reinvention and learning are possible at any age.

"Large scale studies found that happiness follows a u shaped curve life satisfaction dips in the 40s then rises again peaking in the 50s and beyond here's the principle you may not even have hit your happiest years yet how can you be late to your own peak based on large scale surveys of more than 340 000 americans participants rated daily emotions and overall life evaluation what they found was this early adulthood 20s to 30s higher optimism excitement but also higher stress anxiety and comparison pressure midlife 40s life satisfaction hits a low point often called the midlife crisis or slump this is linked to juggling work kids money pressures aging parents and unfulfilled expectations later life 50s plus life satisfaction begins to climb again often higher than in early adulthood."

Shetty discusses research on the "U-shaped curve" of happiness, which suggests that life satisfaction typically declines in the 40s and then rises again, often peaking in the 50s and beyond. He uses this data to counter the idea that one can be "late" to happiness, implying that current lower points may be precursors to greater contentment.