Unresolution: Direction, Experiments, and Review for Adaptable Growth
TL;DR
- Traditional New Year's resolutions fail due to their all-or-nothing, perfection-driven structure, which ignores real-life complexities and leads to shame, not growth.
- The "Unresolution" approach replaces rigid dictates with a "direction" (compass heading) and "experiments" (time-bound, adaptable actions) to foster genuine change.
- Embracing "review over judgment" allows for reflective adaptation of goals, treating setbacks as data points rather than proof of failure or personal deficiency.
- Thoughtful quitting, grounded in values and current reality, is reframed as "letting go with wisdom," a powerful tool for reclaiming energy from misaligned commitments.
- The "beauty of incompletion" acknowledges that not finishing projects is normal, offering valuable learning and allowing for a more fluid, less pressured approach to goals.
- A practical "Unresolution" practice involves choosing a monthly direction, designing one or two small experiments, and scheduling regular check-ins for adaptation.
Deep Dive
New Year's resolutions often fail not due to a lack of discipline, but because the traditional, rigid framework is ill-suited for the complexities of human life. The "Unresolution" offers a gentler, more adaptable approach that prioritizes direction over dictates, experiments over edicts, and review over judgment, fostering genuine growth without burnout or shame. This method reframes change not as a battle against oneself, but as a continuous, compassionate conversation with one's current reality.
The prevailing resolution model is inherently flawed because it operates on an all-or-nothing premise, where any deviation is framed as failure, leading to shame and abandonment. This model is often designed in an idealized vacuum, disconnected from the unpredictable nature of real life, and relies disproportionately on willpower, ignoring environmental and personal factors like mental health or trauma. The Unresolution shifts this by replacing rigid commandments with broad directions, such as "move toward vitality" or "move toward deeper connection," allowing for flexible implementation. Instead of issuing edicts like "I will never eat X again," the Unresolution proposes time-bound experiments, like "for the next two weeks, I will try a 10-minute walk after lunch and see how it feels." These experiments are designed to gather information, not to pass judgment, making it clear that adjustments are expected and valuable. Crucially, the Unresolution incorporates regular, gentle reviews, asking what worked, what was challenging, what was surprising, and what the experiment revealed about one's actual life, rather than harsh verdicts. This iterative process allows individuals to learn and adapt, recognizing that change is dynamic and not a fixed destination.
Beyond the core pillars, the Unresolution embraces two powerful concepts: the joy of quitting and the beauty of incompletion. Traditional wisdom often equates quitting with failure, but the Unresolution reframes thoughtful cessation as a wise act of self-alignment, distinguishing between reactive giving up driven by shame and reflective letting go grounded in learned wisdom and current values. This involves asking if a commitment still matters, if it's compatible with current reality, and if letting go allows movement toward something more meaningful. Similarly, incompletion is viewed not as a failure, but as a natural and often necessary part of life's ongoing process, akin to a manuscript with chapters in various stages of development. Embracing "complete enough for now" allows individuals to extract value from partial efforts without demanding arbitrary finish lines, acknowledging that early stages of projects or learning can provide crucial insights even if they are not fully realized.
Ultimately, the Unresolution provides a practical framework for navigating personal growth. It encourages choosing one primary direction for a given period, designing one or two small, curious experiments to explore that direction, and scheduling regular check-ins to review learnings and decide whether to continue, tweak, or let go of the experiment. This approach fosters a sustained, adaptive relationship with change, allowing individuals to move forward with their authentic selves in a way that genuinely fits their lives, rather than striving for an often unattainable ideal of perfection.
Action Items
- Create "Unresolution" framework: Define 3 pillars (direction over dictate, experiments over edicts, review over judgment) for personal growth.
- Design 1-2 experiments: For a chosen direction, create time-bound, modest experiments (e.g., 2-week walk, 7-day phone-off) to gather data.
- Schedule weekly review: For each experiment, plan a 5-10 minute check-in to assess what worked, what was hard, and if it should continue.
- Practice thoughtful quitting: For 1-2 commitments no longer serving, reflect on learning and values before deciding to let go.
- Identify 1-2 "unfinished" items: For past projects, note what was already gained and if a tiny relationship can be maintained without pressure to finish.
Key Quotes
"what if the problem isn't that you don't want it badly enough or aren't disciplined enough or haven't found the right planner or app i mean what if the problem is the way that we've been taught to quote do the new year in the first place what if the traditional resolution this rigid all or nothing promise that you make to a future you is the wrong tool for an actual human life"
Jonathan Fields questions the conventional approach to New Year's resolutions, suggesting that the problem lies not in individual willpower but in the rigid, all-or-nothing structure of resolutions themselves. He proposes that this traditional method is ill-suited for the complexities of real life.
"the unresolution is less about what you aim at and more about how you hold those aims think of it as three big shifts so pillar number one direction over dictate and by the way for those who are listening in if you didn't listen to the last thursday episode of mine where we talked about closing out the year and the myth of the clean slate i'll share here that for that and for these first two episodes to start out this year feel free to listen along feel free to pause and respond to some of these ideas and thoughts and questions and prompts in real time"
Jonathan Fields introduces the core concept of "the unresolution," framing it as a shift in approach rather than a change in goals. He outlines three key pillars: direction over dictate, experiments over edicts, and review over judgment, emphasizing a more flexible and compassionate method for personal growth.
"experiments are time bound they have clear modest parameters they expect to be adjusted and they generate information not judgment so you're not asking did i prove i'm disciplined you're asking what did this experiment teach me about my life my energy my desires my constraints and reality"
Jonathan Fields explains that experiments, as part of the unresolution, are designed to be temporary and focused on gathering information. He highlights that the goal is not to prove discipline but to learn about one's life, energy, desires, and limitations through the process.
"winners never quit that quote right or don't be a quitter right or once you start you have to finish and oftentimes the intent behind it is actually is good people just want the best for you right that sounds noble until it traps you in commitments or experiments that no longer serve the person you are now were never truly aligned with who you are and what matters to you your values were designed for a fantasy version of your life not the real one right in a resolution world quitting is a scarlet letter in an unresolution world quitting done thoughtfully is one of your most powerful tools"
Jonathan Fields contrasts the common adage "winners never quit" with the unresolution's perspective on thoughtfully letting go. He argues that while the intention behind encouraging persistence is often good, it can trap individuals in commitments that no longer serve them, whereas in the unresolution, thoughtful quitting is a powerful tool.
"in an unresolution world incompletion it isn't a scar on your record sometimes it's just the most honest place for someone to live right now by the way this applies to me for books too i quit books and i or i leave them in places of beautiful incompletion on a regular basis even though i'm a writer and i love to think that everybody reads every word of the books that i write all right something's a little bit off there"
Jonathan Fields reframes incompletion not as a failure but as an honest and sometimes necessary state within the unresolution framework. He uses his own experience with books to illustrate that not finishing something does not negate its value or the learning derived from the process.
"choose a direction run an experiment check in adjust and remember the goal isn't to pass some arbitrary test it's just to keep walking with the person that you are in the direction of the life that actually fits you and feels good and makes you come and feel alive"
Jonathan Fields summarizes the practical application of the unresolution, emphasizing that the aim is not to achieve perfection or pass a test. Instead, he encourages a continuous process of choosing a direction, running experiments, checking in, and adjusting, all while staying true to oneself and living a life that feels authentic and vital.
Resources
External Resources
Books
- "The Unresolution" - Mentioned as a concept for a gentler, more flexible approach to goals and change.
Articles & Papers
- "The Myth of the Clean Slate" (Good Life Project) - Discussed in relation to the idea of starting fresh by erasing the past self.
Websites & Online Resources
- jerry.ai - Referenced as an app that compares car insurance rates from over 50 insurers.
- applecard.com - Mentioned for terms and conditions related to Apple Card.
- business.walmart.com - Referenced for small business owners to order supplies and access tools.
- babbel.com - Mentioned for language learning subscriptions.
- linkedin.com/jobsearch - Referenced for small businesses to post jobs and find candidates.
Other Resources
- Success scaffolding - Mentioned as a thoughtful, flexible framework for achieving big, meaningful goals.
- The Unresolution - Referenced as a way to approach the year that keeps the desire for growth and change while letting go of self-punishing perfectionism.
- The Year of Enough - Mentioned as a concept for experiencing the year ahead not driven by a sense of lack.