Embracing Suffering as a Practice for Mental Fortitude

Key Quotes

"i wouldn't necessarily want anyone else to call me a coward but i called myself a coward like that is how i viewed myself a person who was weaker than his fear and i didn't like seeing myself that way i wanted to be a brave competitor that became a goal and that's why you see that beam of suffering just everywhere in my writing because it's it's my story as an endurance athlete i wanted to get good at the thing i was worst at and i did"

Matt Fitzgerald explains that he initially viewed himself as a coward due to his fear of pain in racing. This self-perception became a driving motivation for him to actively work on his mental toughness and become a "brave competitor." Fitzgerald highlights that this internal struggle and desire for self-improvement is a central theme in his writing and his journey as an endurance athlete.

"at some point we are all going to suffer so the question at the heart of today's show is what if you treated suffering as a practice something that since it can't be avoided we might as well try to do skillfully"

Matt Fitzgerald introduces the core concept of the episode: viewing suffering not as an unavoidable negative, but as a skill to be practiced. He suggests that because suffering is a universal human experience, approaching it with intentionality and skill can lead to a more effective and graceful engagement with difficult moments. This reframes suffering from a passive experience to an active pursuit.

"i've suffered plenty in a lot of races but like for me it really was like a borderline medical emergency like what the suffering i was experiencing out there it was like the stupidest thing i possibly could do as someone with long covid like i mean the three of the major symptoms are chronic fatigue exercise intolerance and post exertional malaise yeah not a good trio exactly but especially someone running a 100k contra indicated so like so i'm out there like you know just wondering like if i'm actually like really physically and literally dying out there on the race course but like but i'm not dead and so i have to just muddle through and and one of my mantras just popped into my mind then um it's never all bad"

Matt Fitzgerald recounts an extreme instance of suffering during a 100k race while dealing with long COVID, a condition that made such an endeavor medically contraindicated. Despite experiencing what felt like a life-threatening situation, Fitzgerald relied on his mantra, "it's never all bad," to navigate the overwhelming pain. This demonstrates how a practiced mental tool can provide a lifeline during moments of intense physical and psychological distress.

"i'm not one to ever beat myself up unfairly but um i mean in all honesty like i was very well parented growing up like i grew up in like a safe secure loving environment and my mom like read all the parenting books and and so i grew up with very healthy self esteem so you know as a coach when i see athletes beating themselves up like it's very often like not fair like you know they're judging themselves by standards that they wouldn't judge anyone else by and it's also like they're beating themselves up for the wrong things but what gets mashed in that is like some people think oh you should never be hard on yourself and i think that's bullshit like i think yeah like how else do you hold yourself to a high standard like it's not a standard if you don't beat yourself up when you fall short of it and you're not human if you don't fall short of it"

Matt Fitzgerald clarifies his stance on self-criticism, asserting that while unfair self-recrimination is unproductive, holding oneself to high standards and experiencing self-reproach when falling short is essential for growth. He distinguishes between appropriate self-accountability and irrational self-punishment, emphasizing that a high standard necessitates acknowledging when one has not met it. Fitzgerald believes this is a necessary component of human experience and athletic development.

"i find that like very that that helpful that that perspective very helpful i call it benevolent shaming it's just like i do it to myself i don't go around shaming other people but it's like when whenever i'm you know tempted to stick a thumb in my mouth and throw a pity party and like matt there are stronger people than you who have survived like much more than what you're belly aching about right now so yeah that's a that's a good book you know it's obviously you know it's a holocaust chronicle but it's also the unveiling of like a full fledged you know psychological discipline and yeah it's a treasure trove"

Matt Fitzgerald explains his practice of "benevolent shaming," a self-directed technique inspired by Victor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning." He uses this method to counter self-pity by reminding himself of others who have endured greater hardships. Fitzgerald finds this perspective, drawn from Frankl's work on psychological resilience amidst extreme suffering, to be a valuable tool for maintaining perspective and avoiding excessive self-indulgence.

"i'm wired for self actualization like my older brother nicknamed me project matt when i was a teenager it was like it fit so perfectly like like but like for me like it's just it's like a drug that never wears off like the hope and the hope and belief that i can just keep getting better that i can keep ascending in one way or another like that's exciting to me and so so yeah it's not it's not a bad feeling when when i like i finish a book and think well that's the best book i've ever written but i can write a better book"

Matt Fitzgerald describes his intrinsic drive for self-actualization, likening it to a perpetual "drug" of hope and belief in continuous improvement. He illustrates this by referencing his nickname, "Project Matt," and his mindset after completing a book, where he immediately considers how to write an even better one. Fitzgerald finds this ongoing pursuit of betterment, rather than a final state of satisfaction, to be inherently exciting and fulfilling.