Navigating Love, Trauma, and Identity Through Vulnerability and Self-Re-evaluation

Key Quotes

"You know, like, I think like that's why when you fall in love with someone you've got to fall in love with them 15 times in a life because they're going to change. Well, you know, I've been in the low space forever. I've never heard that. That's a great, you know what I mean? Because you're gonna love of your life, it's got to be the love of your life 10 times because that person's going to change. You can't hold on to the, you can't hold on to the person that you met on the first day you met them when you're 80."

Yungblud argues that relationships require continuous adaptation because individuals evolve over time. Paul C. Brunson highlights that this perspective challenges the notion of a static, singular love, suggesting instead a dynamic process of rediscovering and recommitting to a partner as they change. This emphasizes the importance of ongoing connection and shared experiences in maintaining a lasting bond.

"Now in aboriginal cultures, kids are never left alone. There's a book you may wish to read, it's called The Continuum Concept. Jean Liedloff, who traveled to the Venezuelan Amazon, six weeks away from civilization, lived with some stone age people, and their parents totally differently. Kids are don't never left alone. When the parents go to work, the kids of course are attached to them. Attached to them. When the parents engage in social activity, the kids are there. They all sleep together. You know, there's no separation, there's no anxiety either because that panic never gets triggered."

Gabor Maté explains that in certain indigenous cultures, constant physical proximity between children and caregivers prevents the triggering of panic responses associated with separation anxiety. Paul C. Brunson notes that this contrasts with Western practices where children are often left alone, potentially leading to the development of anxious attachment styles. Maté's observation underscores the fundamental human need for secure attachment and the role of consistent presence in fostering emotional security.

"My whole life I've constantly shrunk myself to make everybody else comfortable. So even when I was in that tent, I would speak but I would try so hard not to sound like I was from Luton. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, sound as not bilingual as possible, pronounce your Ts, speak slowly, say every word properly. I'm, I'm thinking that while trying to bake while being judged. So it just gets louder. That's what alien feels like."

Nadiya Hussain describes the internal experience of feeling like an "alien" when she felt she was the only person of her background in a room, leading her to suppress her natural way of speaking to conform. Paul C. Brunson points out that Hussain's reflection illustrates the pressure to assimilate and the self-consciousness that can arise from perceived differences. This highlights the mental effort involved in trying to fit in while simultaneously performing a task under scrutiny.

"There's a lot of us that do people walking around that don't have memories because if you're not present and if your nervousness system isn't settled, the part of the brain that stores long term memories is not online. And so if you're somebody like me where it frustrates the hell out of me that my best friend Jody, who I've known since fourth grade, she'll be like, remember that time you came to Central Michigan University and you visited me for the weekend and we did blah blah blah, and I'm like, I came to visit you. She's like, what do you mean you don't remember that? I'm like, I don't remember going there."

Mel Robbins explains that a dysregulated nervous system, often stemming from anxiety or trauma, can prevent the brain from storing long-term memories. Paul C. Brunson notes that Robbins' personal experience of memory gaps, even with close friends, illustrates how a lack of presence can lead to a disconnect from past events. This suggests that emotional and psychological states directly impact our ability to form and recall memories.

"And now it's just watching my parents and I think that's the hardest part. Journaling, yes, journaling has proven itself to be one of the most therapeutic strategies, if you will, to helping to heal from traumatic experiences like the loss of a loved one. And that will also help in you not forgetting."

Holly Hagan shares that witnessing her parents' grief after her sister's death is the most challenging aspect of her experience. Paul C. Brunson highlights Hagan's endorsement of journaling as a therapeutic tool for processing trauma and preserving memories of loved ones. This emphasizes the dual benefit of journaling: emotional healing and the active remembrance of significant life events.