Confronting Past Trauma and Cultivating Healthy Relationships

Key Quotes

"You also have to allow your partner to do a good thing badly when they first start to listen when they first start to help and untangle you got to let them flail about a fair bit people will often do something difficult twice go on a date for example when they haven't been with each other for a long time it won't go well and they'll think well we're certainly not doing that again that happens to people then they don't have any romance for decades that is not wise that's not wise"

Dr. Peterson explains that in relationships, especially new ones or during periods of reconnection, it is crucial to permit imperfection. He highlights that partners may initially struggle with new behaviors or attempts at reconciliation, and expecting immediate perfection can lead to discouragement and the abandonment of efforts, ultimately hindering the relationship's growth and longevity.

"Now one of the ways that you can understand where those pitfalls exist is that you'll have memories of the past that are still hot and active they still have emotional significance Now if a memory that's more than a year and a half old still has emotional significance that's an indication from the anxiety alarm systems that you did not mind that experience for its full significance and that means that you still have something to learn to avoid falling into that pitfall again in the future"

Dr. Peterson suggests that lingering emotional significance in old memories serves as a signal for unresolved issues. He posits that if a memory from over eighteen months ago still evokes strong emotions, it indicates a failure to fully process and learn from that experience, presenting a potential "pitfall" that could be repeated in the future if not addressed.

"The goal should be we'll talk about this badly foolishly but as the best we can until we've sorted it out and that's the more the person you're with or you has been hurt the harder that is it's it's hard and it often takes especially someone who is not practiced at this you know they'll be upset about something it can take them a week to figure out what's actually bothering them it's very hard to get to the bottom of things"

Dr. Peterson emphasizes that the aim in resolving conflict within a relationship should be collaborative problem-solving rather than winning an argument. He acknowledges that this process is difficult, particularly for those with past hurts, and can require significant time and effort for individuals to fully understand and articulate their underlying issues.

"The core of sexual identity that's socially harmonious and productive in the medium to long run is has to be long term monogamous committed child centered heterosexual couples it has to be well why well because that's the only arrangement the minimal arrangement that ensures average contentment satisfaction stability for children propagation into the future and the foundation for culture"

Dr. Peterson articulates a perspective on the ideal structure for social harmony and procreation, identifying long-term, monogamous, committed, child-centered heterosexual couples as the foundational arrangement. He explains that this model is proposed because it is seen as the minimal structure that reliably supports contentment, stability for children, and the continuation of culture.

"The defining characteristic of postmodernism this is from lyotard who was a jean françois lyotard who was a founder of postmodernism is he said postmodernism is skepticism towards metanarratives and what he meant this is a reflection of the nietzschean death of god what he meant was well there is no paramount uniting narrative there's just a bunch of fractionated narratives that people can then micro narratives that people can inhabit"

Dr. Peterson explains that Jean-François Lyotard defined postmodernism as a skepticism towards "metanarratives," which he relates to the concept of the "death of God." He interprets this to mean that postmodernism posits the absence of a single, overarching unifying story, instead advocating for a multitude of fragmented, individual "micro-narratives" that people can adopt.