Mastering Self-Regulation: Boundaries, Transitional Behaviors, and Intentional Habits

Key Quotes

"I never thought that I would kind of be in this predicament I never thought that I'd be like living this life and yet here we are so uh about eight years ago now which is crazy to talk about because I feel like I've known you now for three I think I've known you now for three years which is wild to consider how time moves in that way yeah no kidding I was in Atlanta completing my doctorate I thought that I was going to finish up school and then go get like a proper doctoral license and go do the things and the white picket fence and the 2 1 kids and the 1 5 dogs and the I don't know maybe get a divorce when I'm 50 that sounds like what all the cool kids are doing I don't know but I'm like trying to figure it out in my early 20s and life universe god just kind of put some changes in my life uh for better or for worse that I can look at them now and truly say that it was for the better"

Dr. Chris Lee shares that his life took an unexpected turn about eight years prior while he was completing his doctorate. He reflects on how significant life events, which he now views as ultimately beneficial, altered his initial plans for a conventional life. This period of intense personal challenge ultimately led him to his current work.

"The space between being that version of me and I I can fully admit I was scared to be that version of me like I really did not like life I did not like waking up like there was no joy there was no happiness there was no there was no anything there was confusion there was grief there was anger and then there had to be this like pulled out nurturing for my daughter who I was quickly a single parent so I'm taking care of my you know six month old daughter trying to figure out how to do that with no parents around grieving my dad trying to finish up this doctor it completed a residency and all of those things"

Dr. Chris Lee describes a period of profound personal struggle following a series of traumatic events, including a car accident and the loss of his father, coupled with becoming a single parent. He conveys a deep sense of despair and a lack of joy during this time, highlighting the immense pressure of caring for his young daughter while navigating grief and academic demands. This experience underscores the critical importance of self-awareness and resilience in overcoming adversity.

"And the answer to that was yes so that's the thing that took me from oh my gosh I'm stealing coffee from hotel lobbies because I cannot afford it and I'm eating canned sardines and black beans because my daughter has to have diapers and I have to somehow pay water bills and all of this other stuff until I figured out to starting a business in the midst of my doctorate I set records inside of the clinic in neuroscience • over and over quarter after quarter with my daughter in my backpack • doing the thing My company made its first 100 000 while I was in school talking about leadership development and I skipped my graduation because I was giving a keynote at the same time and all of that happened within 18 months and it wasn't by accident"

Dr. Chris Lee explains that by understanding and applying principles of neuroscience, he was able to transform his life from extreme financial hardship to entrepreneurial success. He details how, within 18 months, he started a business while still in his doctorate program, achieved significant financial milestones, and even prioritized a keynote speaking engagement over his graduation. Dr. Lee emphasizes that this transformation was not a matter of chance but a direct result of applying learned principles.

"So what I tell everybody and like the rule of thumb over here is just like alright it's just 1 change what's the one thing you want to work on because so many problems and stress that we create are all self perpetuating because we have poor eating habits poor sleep hygiene poor nutrition and like we don't exercise and we're not moving our bodies we're not training our body to tell our brain that we can do hard things and if you just leave it up to the brain to learn how to do hard things it's never going to do that it wants to take the path of least resistance over and over and over again"

Dr. Chris Lee advises focusing on making just one change at a time to address problems and stress. He points out that many self-created issues stem from poor foundational habits like diet, sleep, and exercise, which prevent the body from being trained to handle challenges. Dr. Lee highlights that the brain naturally seeks the easiest path, making intentional, small behavioral shifts crucial for building resilience.

"So your nervous system acts as a translator so it's a translator of experience into something that's digestible for you so every moment of every second from the moment that you are conceived until the moment that you expire we need something to help us understand what's going on and this you know can get into a whole conversation of like all right you're a soul in a meat suit and the meat suit has to like translate the experience for the soul to understand but the soul understands everything it's the lost in translation between this three dimensional experience and something beyond that that is going to require four or five more pots of coffee for us to really dive into"

Dr. Chris Lee explains that the nervous system functions as a translator, converting experiences into a format that the individual can understand. He uses the analogy of a "meat suit" translating experiences for a soul, emphasizing that the nervous system's role is to make sense of our three-dimensional reality. Dr. Lee suggests that sometimes this translation process can lead to misinterpretations or a "lost in translation" effect.

"So a part of these like transitional behaviors that we talk about is boundaries instead of balance so how do we create boundaries instead of balance one of the boundaries instead of balance conversations that I like to have is this little black box of greatness that we call our cell phone do you have boundaries with that thing like I open up my phone and I did this for a bunch of high schoolers today and I showed them I'm like this is a picture of me and my daughter underneath a rainbow but like do you see notifications and then I asked like one of the students I'm like pull your phone up and they opened their phone and they had like 72 notifications like 60 from Instagram and I'm like that thing is draining your attention span draining your ability to focus and if you're doing this before bed it's in the ability it's inhibiting your ability to focus and have critical thought tomorrow"

Dr. Chris Lee advocates for establishing boundaries rather than striving for balance, particularly concerning cell phone usage. He illustrates this point by describing how he showed high school students their phones, highlighting the overwhelming number of notifications that drain attention and focus. Dr. Lee asserts that excessive phone use, especially before bed, negatively impacts critical thinking and cognitive abilities the following day.