Strategies for Authentic Holiday Well-Being and Connection

Key Quotes

"Social media breeds FOMO like nobody's business. Yes, I'm a by some intents and purposes, I'm a fairly successful guy. Like, I have a book and a podcast, and I do acting roles, and I work in nonprofits and have my faith community and blah blah blah. I'm not saying like, successful, look at me, but I'm saying, like, you know, I've got things going on. A lot going on. I look at Instagram and like what some actors are doing or podcasters and like they have their putting out content every other day, and they're, and when they take a trip, they don't just take a trip, they do a fun, crazy exercise, and they're always redecorating, and they're doing pottery, and they're, the list goes on and on and on. And I'm, I'm always like, God, I should be doing that. I should be doing that. Why am I not doing that? I really should be doing that. Why am I not doing that? I could be doing that. I really could be doing that."

Rainn Wilson explains that social media often exacerbates feelings of missing out (FOMO) by showcasing idealized versions of others' lives. Wilson himself, despite having many accomplishments, experiences this by comparing his activities to the seemingly endless achievements of other public figures he sees online. This highlights how social media can create a constant, often unrealistic, benchmark for personal success and engagement.

"So, I've taken social media off my phone. Nice. I only look at it very occasionally, like maybe once or twice a week for a limited amount of time, and I kind of prepare myself going in that, hey, there's going to be all these actors, performers, podcasters, writers, just bringing so much to the table, and I'm choosing to do that in a very limited amount of time. So I think that the same thing works for the holidays. What is the holiday in your heart, you know? Is it like, we're just gonna get a chicken from Ralph's and sit around the table and watch a football game? Or is it going to be more than that? And whatever it is, it's okay because it's just about connecting."

Rainn Wilson offers a practical strategy for combating social media-induced FOMO by removing the apps from his phone and limiting usage. Wilson suggests that this approach can be applied to the holidays by focusing on what truly matters to an individual or family, rather than comparing it to curated online portrayals. He emphasizes that the essence of the holidays is about connection, and any form of celebration that achieves this is valid and acceptable.

"So, the level one holiday woes we got a lot of requests for help managing holiday expectations. One of our listeners, Karishma on Instagram, just wrote that straight up, her holiday woe was short but sweet: FOMO, fear of missing out. Yeah, and I think the special kind of FOMO we get in the holidays is where we look on social media and we see everyone's lights and perfect trees and the big presents under the tree, and we just feel like, why is my holiday such a mess?"

Dr. Laurie Santos identifies managing holiday expectations as a primary concern for listeners, specifically highlighting "fear of missing out" (FOMO) as a significant holiday woe. Dr. Santos notes that this specific type of FOMO is often triggered by social media, where curated images of perfect holidays can make individuals feel that their own celebrations are inadequate. This points to the disconnect between idealized online representations and personal holiday experiences.

"And if you try and go deeper, people are not very good at listening. Yeah. Yeah, I don't, this doesn't answer the question at all, but I think it's something that all of us can just be working on is getting, because to me, great conversation comes out of curiosity. Like, if I meet someone, interact with them, I'm deeply curious, like, who are they? What makes them tick? What do they think about things? How did they get to where they are? And, uh, maybe that helps make me a podcast host, or you as well. But I think that's the key. We all need to become podcast hosts around the family dinner table, right? We all need to bring in a little more curiosity."

Rainn Wilson suggests that a lack of deep listening and curiosity hinders effective communication, particularly within families. Wilson proposes that adopting a "podcast host" mindset, characterized by genuine curiosity about others, can transform family conversations from superficial exchanges to more meaningful interactions. He believes this approach is key to understanding individuals and fostering deeper connections.

"So, the biggest challenge for me going home for family holidays was not only listening to a close relative boast about all the material possessions and fabulous job titles they had, but also watching my parents nod in admiration and approval whilst looking down on me for living in a two-bedroom apartment and making loaded comments about my old car. 'If only I was more successful.'"

This quote from a listener named Cal describes a common family dynamic during the holidays where there is social comparison and judgment based on material possessions and career status. Cal feels belittled by a relative's boasting and by their parents' apparent approval of the relative while looking down on Cal's own living situation and car. This highlights how family gatherings can sometimes bring up feelings of inadequacy and unexpressed expectations.

"So, my first experience of this had to do in an episode of Happy Days where Arthur Fonzarelli, who's so cool, you know, and beloved by everyone, and can get any girl he wants, and he's got his motorcycle and his pinball machine and his garage and stuff like that. And they, Richie Cunningham realizes he's spending Christmas alone, and he's cooking a can of soup. And so they invite the Fonz over to the Cunninghams, and all is saved. But, um, in all seriousness, you know, I'm sure you've spoken about this a ton. We're in this loneliness epidemic."

Dr. Laurie Santos uses a pop culture reference from "Happy Days" to introduce the serious topic of loneliness, particularly during the holidays. Dr. Santos notes that even a seemingly cool and popular character like Fonzie can experience loneliness, which is then resolved by social connection. She then pivots to the broader societal issue, stating that "we're in this loneliness epidemic," indicating that this is a widespread and significant problem.