Stoicism: Mastering Responses to Uncontrollable External Events

Key Quotes

"We don't control what's happening in the world around us. We control what we do. We control how we respond. We have to get active in our own rescue. Marcus Aurelius wrote, 'Blow your own nose.' That's what Epictetus said. It's our job, nobody else's."

The author argues that external circumstances are beyond our control, emphasizing that true agency lies in our actions and reactions. This Stoic perspective encourages self-reliance, urging individuals to take responsibility for their own well-being and progress rather than waiting for external solutions. The author highlights the importance of internal locus of control, as exemplified by Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus.

"Seneca talks about how, if you don't know what port you're sailing towards, no wind is favorable. I think if you just have the negative, like you just have the mistake you've made or the place you don't want to be anymore, you're going to be a little bit reactive and you're not going to necessarily be moving forward."

The author explains that having a clear objective or "port" is crucial for direction, drawing on Seneca's analogy. Focusing solely on past mistakes or negative states without a defined future goal can lead to a reactive rather than proactive approach. The author suggests that a positive, forward-looking aim is necessary for genuine progress.

"I think about this: my kids are young, and I try to remind myself that it doesn't say anything about me whether they are good or whether they are really terrible. And I just try to ask, you know, are they having fun?"

The author shares a personal reflection on parenting, emphasizing the importance of detaching personal identity from a child's performance. The author's strategy is to focus on whether the children are enjoying their activities rather than their success or failure. This approach aims to reduce parental anxiety and criticism, fostering a healthier dynamic.

"Epictetus, who's a slave. Epictetus, you want to talk about not having any worth? Epictetus's name means 'acquired one.' Like, it's not even a real name. His name is just like, 'guy' or like 'person' or or like 'animal.' Right? It doesn't mean anything because he wasn't seen as having any worth. And what he realizes is that he has to see that in himself. He has to decide that he's worth something, that he matters, even if legally he doesn't."

The author uses the example of Epictetus, a slave whose name literally meant "acquired one," to illustrate the Stoic concept of self-worth. The author explains that despite his societal status and lack of inherent legal value, Epictetus cultivated an internal sense of worth and importance. This highlights the Stoic principle that self-value is an internal decision, independent of external validation or circumstances.

"And so I think Epictetus might be the Stoic for you to look at because there is something inspiring about someone seemingly so lowly having this just powerful, strong sense of self and self-ownership."

The author recommends Epictetus as a Stoic figure for individuals struggling with self-worth, pointing to his inspiring example. The author suggests that Epictetus's ability to maintain a strong sense of self and self-ownership, despite his low social standing, offers a powerful model. This emphasizes the Stoic capacity for inner strength and autonomy, regardless of external conditions.