Redefining Happiness From Feeling Good to Doing Good
TL;DR
- The pursuit of happiness as a feeling of pleasure leads to "experiential avoidance," a counterproductive cycle that amplifies negative emotions and increases risks of depression and anxiety.
- Redefining happiness as "doing good" through living by one's values creates a meaningful life, embracing the full spectrum of human emotions, both pleasant and painful.
- Struggling against difficult thoughts and feelings, through distraction or suppression, paradoxically intensifies them, whereas "unhooking" diffuses their power without eliminating them.
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) skills, like "opening up" to emotions and "cognitive diffusion," reduce the impact of negative internal experiences, enabling value-driven actions.
- Obeying internal rules like "should" or "must" leads to a constricted life; ACT encourages questioning these rules and aligning actions with deeply held personal values.
- Focusing on achieving specific goals can be a source of misery, while a values-focused life allows for moment-to-moment appreciation and "instant success" by living according to core principles.
Deep Dive
The pervasive pursuit of happiness, particularly in Western cultures, has paradoxically led to increased unhappiness by framing it as a state of "feeling good" rather than "doing good." This misconception drives a cycle of experiential avoidance, where individuals desperately try to eliminate negative emotions and cling to positive ones, ultimately exacerbating stress, anxiety, and depression. The alternative, espoused by Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), redefines happiness as living a rich, full, and meaningful life by accepting the full spectrum of human emotions and committing to actions aligned with one's values.
The core of this approach involves two main strategies: unhooking from difficult thoughts and feelings, and committing to value-driven actions. Experiential avoidance, the attempt to suppress or escape discomfort, manifests in common tactics like distraction, opting out of challenging situations, or substance use. While offering temporary relief, these strategies shrink life's scope and intensify negative experiences in the long run. Similarly, traditional cognitive techniques, while useful for mild distress, often fail when faced with significant emotional pain, leading to frustration and a sense of personal failure. Obeying negative thoughts, such as perfectionistic or people-pleasing rules, also traps individuals in unfulfilling patterns.
ACT offers a powerful counter-approach by teaching individuals to "unhook" from these mental and emotional entanglements. This involves acknowledging difficult thoughts and feelings without judgment, recognizing them as transient mental events rather than absolute truths. Techniques like "I'm having the thought that..." or "I notice I'm feeling..." create cognitive diffusion, distancing individuals from their internal experiences and reducing their power. This process is not about eliminating negative emotions but about making room for them, allowing them to pass through without amplification. By turning off the "struggle switch" that intensifies negative emotions, individuals can engage with their experiences with openness and curiosity. This paradoxical approach, supported by extensive research, leads to a reduction in symptoms for various psychological conditions.
Crucially, ACT emphasizes committed action guided by personal values. Once individuals learn to manage difficult internal experiences, they can direct their energy toward meaningful pursuits. This involves identifying core values--such as self-care, love, or playfulness--and translating them into concrete goals and actions. The emphasis shifts from achieving specific outcomes, which are often beyond complete control, to consistently living in alignment with these values. This values-based approach offers immediate success, as values can be enacted in the present moment, fostering a sense of purpose and fulfillment that transcends fleeting emotional states. By embracing this framework, individuals can escape the happiness trap and cultivate a more meaningful and resilient life.
Action Items
- Create a personal values inventory: Identify 3-5 core values to guide daily actions and decision-making.
- Practice cognitive diffusion: For 5-10 minutes daily, rephrase difficult thoughts as "I'm having the thought that..." to create distance.
- Implement "struggle switch" awareness: Notice when negative emotions arise and consciously choose not to amplify them for 1 week.
- Schedule daily value-reinforcement: Identify 2-3 values to focus on and seek opportunities to embody them each day.
Key Quotes
"Happiness is the subject of thousands of articles, podcasts, and scientific studies. Yet all this focus on happiness doesn’t seem to be making people any happier. In fact, the more they try to be happy, especially by fighting to get rid of bad feelings and clinging to good ones, the more unhappy people often become."
The author, Russ Harris, introduces a paradox: increased focus on happiness does not lead to greater happiness. Harris suggests that the very act of striving for happiness, particularly by avoiding negative emotions, can paradoxically increase unhappiness. This highlights a core problem with common approaches to well-being.
"My guest would say that the first step in escaping this negative cycle is redefining what happiness even means -- thinking of it not as a state of feeling good but of doing good."
Harris proposes a redefinition of happiness, shifting the focus from subjective positive feelings to active engagement and purpose. This reframing suggests that true happiness is found not in the absence of negative experiences, but in living a life aligned with one's values and actions.
"The technical psychobabble name for this is experiential avoidance experiential avoidance is the ongoing attempt to avoid or get rid of unwanted thoughts feelings emotions and memories all of that uncomfortable stuff that shows up inside us that we don't like."
Harris defines "experiential avoidance" as the core mechanism behind the happiness trap. He explains that this is the continuous effort to escape or suppress unpleasant internal experiences like thoughts, feelings, and memories. Harris notes that while normal to some extent, high levels of this avoidance are linked to mental health issues.
"The problem is that can keep us caught in a rut just doing the same old thing I mean a good example of this is perfectionism for example you know our mind lays down all these rules I have to do it perfectly I mustn't let anyone down I have to stick at this and make sure everything's spot on and there's no point doing it unless I can do it perfectly."
Harris illustrates how "obeying" one's thoughts, particularly through rules like perfectionism, can lead to a stagnant life. He explains that these mental rules, often unquestioned, create pressure and prevent individuals from making choices that could lead to growth or a more fulfilling existence.
"Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, which is short is act and it gets its name because of one of the key messages accept what's out of your personal control and commit to action that improves your life."
Harris introduces Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and explains its foundational principle. The therapy's name itself encapsulates its core message: accepting what cannot be controlled and committing to actions that enhance one's life. This dual focus on acceptance and action is central to the ACT approach.
"We learn how to let them flow through you let them come and stay and go in their own good time without sweeping you away without crushing you and without you fighting with them or trying to escape from them."
Harris describes the ACT skill of "unhooking" from difficult thoughts and emotions. This involves learning to allow these internal experiences to exist without being overwhelmed or controlled by them. The goal is not to eliminate these feelings, but to reduce their power and impact.
Resources
External Resources
Books
- "The Happiness Trap" by Russ Harris - Mentioned as the author's book discussing the concept of happiness and the alternative approach espoused by Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
Articles & Papers
- AoM Article: "From Overwhelmed to Empowered -- How Labeling Your Emotions Can Help You Take Control" (Art of Manliness) - Referenced as a resource related to the episode's topic.
People
- Russ Harris - Therapist and author of "The Happiness Trap," featured as the guest discussing Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
- Steven Hayes - Professor of psychology and creator of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
Organizations & Institutions
- Art of Manliness (AoM) - The podcast and website hosting the episode and providing related resources.
Websites & Online Resources
- Russ' Website (thehappinesstrap.com) - Provided as a resource for learning more about Russ Harris' work.
- Art of Manliness Podcast #614: Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life With the Founder of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Steven Hayes (Art of Manliness) - Referenced as a related episode.
- Art of Manliness website (artofmanliness.com) - Mentioned as a source for podcast archives and articles.
Other Resources
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) - A form of talk therapy discussed as an alternative approach to happiness, focusing on accepting difficult emotions and committing to value-driven actions.
- Experiential avoidance - Defined as the ongoing attempt to avoid or get rid of unwanted thoughts, feelings, emotions, and memories, which is discussed as a common strategy that can lead to negative mental health outcomes.
- Eudaimonia - An ancient Greek concept referenced as being in line with a meaningful, flourishing life that includes experiencing the full range of human emotions.
- Cognitive diffusion - A technique within ACT that involves separating from one's thoughts to reduce their power and impact.
- Struggle switch - A metaphor used to describe the tendency to amplify difficult emotions by struggling against them, which ACT aims to help individuals turn off.