Embracing Self-Reliance Through Self-Parenting and Bold Action

Key Quotes

"I learned a lot of things from roller derby one that this isn't about falling down and getting back up or i guess it could be if you want to look at it through that lens was just this just the action of going and talking to the people to try out so roller derby had its resurgence in the early 2000s and i was watching intently and i would go to roller derby bouts and thought it would be the coolest thing ever to to join but at the time i was in my early and mid thirties i had two babies at home and i thought there's no way I'll get hurt I'm not definitely not as cool as these other with these women I made up all these excuses as to why I couldn't go and I realized like do I want to have this be my story in 20 years when my daughter asks like I noticed you're interested in roller derby why didn't you ever play and I told her that I was afraid to join so that was one of the things I learned you have to actually go after it."

Andrea Owen explains that a key lesson from roller derby was the necessity of taking direct action, even when fear is present. She realized that avoiding participation due to excuses would lead to regret, emphasizing that pursuing interests requires actively engaging with them rather than letting fear dictate inaction.

"And I thought it was interesting that they had this rule about it about the amount of time you get to be on the ground and I don't think that we should relate that literally to personal growth there's only a set amount of time that you're going to be in this setback but -- that's one of the things I learned is that like oh okay I can you know have a time limit about something and just like know that I'm going to get up and that if I don't that it's a real emergency that like that is the time to ask for help."

Andrea Owen draws a parallel between roller derby rules and personal growth, noting the sport's safety measure of requiring skaters to get up within a certain time. Owen suggests this illustrates that while setbacks are inevitable, there can be a benefit to setting internal limits for recovery and seeking help when needed, rather than remaining in a difficult situation indefinitely.

"I think first and foremost just compassion for ourselves that it's okay that we're there. I don't I don't know that we yet have gotten to a place culturally where we have given people enough space time energy support in their falling down moments and I think that sometimes we can be the hardest on ourselves it's not the people around us it's it's our own mind that that's telling or memories our conditioning really that's telling us that it's time to get up."

Andrea Owen emphasizes the importance of self-compassion during difficult times, suggesting that societal norms often do not provide adequate support for these "falling down moments." Owen points out that internal conditioning and self-criticism are frequently the harshest judges, urging listeners to be kinder to themselves when facing setbacks.

"And so that whole chapter is is me saying it's a guarantee that you are going to fall on your face and so if if that's a known like how do you want to handle that. I just yeah I just I don't I've been in this industry for the wellness industry for 20 years the personal empowerment space for for 17 years and it's still makes me frustrated to hear advice that it that doesn't look at the reality that that life is sometimes going to throw us for a loop and it's best to be proactive about your coping mechanisms and support systems and things like that."

Andrea Owen asserts that life inevitably involves facing difficulties, framing this as a guarantee rather than an exception. Owen expresses frustration with advice that ignores this reality, advocating instead for proactive development of coping mechanisms and support systems to navigate life's challenges effectively.

"I came to a conclusion late it was gosh I was probably my late I just turned 50 this year and so it probably around my late 40s where I realized I don't know if I have ever been in a place in my life where I have consistently been able to bet on myself in other words like where I trust myself where I trust my own intuition I trust my own resilience because that's a big one and I don't know if if I've bet on myself I I was pretty sure that I had put my eggs in other people's baskets even if I had sworn that I would never do that again like I was still kind of putting my happiness and my joy and my fulfillment my purpose even into other people's hands and hoping that they they did a great job with it and was disappointed over and over again."

Andrea Owen reflects on a late realization that she had not consistently prioritized or trusted herself, often placing her happiness and fulfillment in the hands of others. Owen describes this as a pattern of "betting on myself" that she had not fully embraced, leading to repeated disappointment when relying on external validation or support.

"And so all that to say if you could take some time for people listening like take some time to think like do you trust your own resilience do you trust that you that you have the support system around you or your own coping skills and ways to support yourself do you trust that you have enough of that inside of you in order to get through a difficult scenario and like that was the question that I asked myself and I was like I don't think that that's the hazard being a life coach because we're always like asking ourselves these existential questions but I realized I'm like I don't think I trust my own resilience even though I've been through other hard things before like I don't know if my nervous system is on board is on board with that."

Andrea Owen encourages listeners to assess their trust in their own resilience, coping skills, and support systems when facing difficult situations. Owen shares her personal realization that, despite past experiences, she questioned whether her nervous system was truly aligned with trusting her own resilience, highlighting the internal work required to build this confidence.

"Self abandonment is when we -- it's is interchangeably often used with the word codependency and so it's it's when we essentially walk away from ourselves in order to walk towards someone else so when we put other people's needs before our own when we -- make it a priority to make other people have a more convenient life a more comfortable life at the expense of ourselves and so we are self abandoned when we're not setting boundaries we're self abandoning when we feel resentment and refuse to have a conversation with the person that we're feeling resentment about for you know for whatever reason -- when we stay in relationships that we know aren't good for us when we allow ourselves to when we're people pleasing -- that's self abandonment."

Andrea Owen defines self-abandonment as prioritizing others' needs and comfort over one's own, often interchangeably with codependency. Owen explains that this behavior manifests through not setting boundaries, holding onto resentment without communication, staying in unhealthy relationships