Specific, Intrinsically Motivated Resolutions Drive Lasting Habits

Key Quotes

"Well I think a very key thing is to make it specific and specific meaning at the end of the day when you're lying in bed do you know if you kept your resolution or not and so even things that sound specific sometimes are really too vague."

Gretchen Rubin argues that specificity is crucial for resolutions. Rubin explains that a resolution is specific if, at the end of the day, one can definitively determine whether it was kept or not. Vague resolutions, even those that sound specific, can be confusing and make follow-through difficult.

"So you might say something like start a book group with my college friends every Sunday night rent a classic movie and watch it with my sweetheart there are a lot of ways that you could do it but you want to you want to frame it in a way where it's like yes or no did you do it or did you not do it that makes it a lot easier to follow through because you know exactly what you're expecting from yourself."

Rubin emphasizes the importance of framing resolutions as yes-or-no questions. Rubin provides examples of specific actions, such as starting a book group or renting a classic movie, that can be clearly assessed. This clarity, according to Rubin, simplifies follow-through by establishing precise expectations.

"They're the ones that you do because other people tell you that you should my family keeps telling me i've got to exercise yeah i got to exercise there's no sense of commitment there there's no specificity there there's no sense of a timeline or an approach there it's just sort of a hand waving and a gesture and the thing is you're a grown up you can do what you want but if you say you're going to do something and then you don't follow through well that's a bad feeling that's making you feel like well look i'm i don't keep my promises to myself."

Rubin identifies resolutions driven by external pressure as problematic. Rubin explains that these resolutions often lack commitment, specificity, and a clear plan, leading to a feeling of not keeping promises to oneself. Rubin suggests that if one does not genuinely want to pursue a resolution, it is better to acknowledge that rather than commit to it without internal motivation.

"Another thing I would say is a big group of people when you're trying to meet an expectation and if that describes you then maybe you want to sign up for a class where they take attendance or where you're going to get charged if you don't show up or you're going to take your dog for a run who's so disappointed if he doesn't get to go for a run or you work out with a friend who's going to be annoyed if you don't show up on the other hand some people don't need outer accountability but they really thrive with spontaneity and variety."

Rubin discusses the role of accountability in maintaining resolutions. Rubin suggests that individuals who benefit from external expectations might thrive in structured environments like classes with attendance policies or by involving friends or pets. Rubin contrasts this with those who prefer spontaneity and variety, implying different motivational strategies are effective for different people.

"So the guitar example what would be a better way of phrasing that like practice the guitar three times a week and play one show this year right because practice three times a week did you do that yes or no you know if you did that yes or no play in one show you know whether you're working towards that you know whether you did that and that way you'll have a feeling at the end of the year like wow look what I accomplished whereas if it was get good at guitar you might be like well I really didn't get as good as I wanted to be you just wouldn't have that satisfaction of thinking like oh I'm really on track."

Rubin advocates for focusing on behaviors rather than outcomes for resolutions. Rubin uses the example of learning guitar, suggesting "practice three times a week and play one show" as a more achievable and measurable goal than "get good at guitar." Rubin explains that this approach provides a clear sense of accomplishment and progress.

"One is to pick a word or phrase that you want to have as your theme so for instance my sister elizabeth basically the word that she wanted was resilience like she's a hollywood writer they're going through all these troubles she wanted like stay with it and stay the course and stay optimistic and but that's all kind of boring so she thought of the word bounce because bounce is like bounce back bounce ahead there's just this energy to it it's kind of a whimsical word it just carried a lot more energy for her."

Rubin introduces the concept of a "theme word" as an alternative to traditional resolutions. Rubin shares her sister's experience of choosing "bounce" as a theme word for resilience, finding it more energetic and whimsical than simply "resilience." Rubin suggests that a well-chosen theme word can carry more personal energy and motivation.