Self-Trust: Foundation for Confidence, Action, and Life Success - Episode Hero Image

Self-Trust: Foundation for Confidence, Action, and Life Success

Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee · · Listen to Original Episode →
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TL;DR

  • Self-trust is the foundational "life enhancer" that enables action and meaningful change, acting as the primary driver for confidence and success rather than being a result of them.
  • Repeatedly breaking small commitments to oneself erodes identity and self-trust, while consistently keeping them builds a sense of capability and worth, reinforcing desired behaviors.
  • Limiting beliefs act as a "pot" that restricts one's potential and experience of life; recognizing and actively choosing to "re-pot" or plant oneself in "open soil" is crucial for growth.
  • Confidence is not a prerequisite for action but a consequence of taking action and gathering "proof points" that build self-efficacy, demonstrating capability and overcoming self-doubt.
  • Internalizing self-doubt, like a "golf ball" sinking in water, leads to a loss of self and a diminished experience of life, whereas acknowledging doubts as a "ping pong ball" allows for processing without internalization.
  • Developing self-trust requires focusing on controllable actions and preparing for obstacles through "implementation intentions," transforming potential setbacks into manageable challenges.
  • The four key attributes of self-trust--acceptance, agency, autonomy, and adaptability--are trainable and predictive of job success, relationship satisfaction, and overall life happiness.

Deep Dive

Self-trust is the foundational element that underpins confidence, action, and meaningful life change, according to Dr. Shadé Zahrai. Many individuals delay making necessary life adjustments because they wait to "feel ready" or confident, mistakenly believing confidence precedes action. However, research indicates that confidence is an outcome of taking action and gathering evidence of capability, rather than a prerequisite. This self-trust, built on four key attributes, is the ultimate amplifier for success, relationships, and overall well-being, differentiating those who achieve from those who merely wish.

The core of Dr. Zahrai's framework rests on four attributes of self-trust: acceptance, agency, autonomy, and adaptability. Acceptance, rooted in self-esteem, dictates how fundamentally worthy an individual perceives themselves to be. A lack of acceptance can manifest as a pressure to prove oneself, a constant need for likability, a tendency to shrink from potential failure, and even schadenfreude. Similarly, a deficit in agency, which relates to self-efficacy and the belief in one's ability to accomplish tasks, often leads to imposter syndrome, excessive comparison, and a paralyzing "knowing-doing gap" where individuals understand what to do but fail to act. Autonomy, the third attribute, is characterized by an internal locus of control; low autonomy is associated with frequent complaining, resentment, blame, and rumination on past hurts, all of which keep individuals feeling powerless and stuck. Finally, adaptability, the capacity to remain emotionally grounded and respond constructively to challenges, is crucial. This involves understanding that emotions are transient and not identifying with negative thoughts or feelings, allowing for a more resilient and less reactive approach to life's inevitable difficulties.

The implications of cultivating self-trust are profound and systemic. When individuals lack self-trust, their internal narrative often becomes a "contamination story," where negative experiences are seen as proof of inherent unworthiness or unfairness, reinforcing a cycle of self-doubt and inaction. Conversely, self-trust enables a "redemptive story," where challenges are framed as opportunities for growth and learning, leading to a greater sense of personal power and a more positive life experience. This framework suggests that by actively developing acceptance, agency, autonomy, and adaptability, individuals can fundamentally alter their self-perception and, consequently, their behavior and outcomes. This shift moves individuals from being passive recipients of circumstances to active architects of their lives, capable of navigating challenges with courage and clarity, and ultimately achieving a greater sense of fulfillment and success.

Action Items

  • Create a "to be" list: Define 3-5 core qualities to embody daily, derived from personal values, to guide actions and reinforce identity beyond roles.
  • Implement a "complaint audit": For 7 days, track all complaints (internal or external) and reframe each to gratitude or a concrete action step.
  • Design a "discomfort tolerance" exercise: Identify one small, uncomfortable activity (e.g., taking stairs, brief cold shower) to practice weekly, building autonomy.
  • Draft a "blocker mitigation" plan: For one desired outcome, list 3-5 potential obstacles and define specific "if-then" implementation intentions for each.

Related Episodes

Key Quotes

"our self image is the blueprint of our entire lives if you do not believe you are worthy capable have some degree of power you either will not try or you will sabotage yourself because when you hit a roadblock you'll say see told you so so we need to imagine that our self image our limiting beliefs are the pot that we have planted ourselves into the issue is that when we're in that pot that's all we see but all you need to do sometime is recognize you're in a pot move yourself to a bigger pot or better yet plant yourself in open soil"

Dr. Shadé Zahrai explains that our self-image acts as a foundational blueprint for our lives. If we lack belief in our own worthiness or capability, we are prone to self-sabotage, especially when facing challenges, reinforcing negative self-perceptions. She suggests that limiting beliefs can be like a confining pot, but we have the power to move ourselves into a larger pot or even into open soil, symbolizing expanded potential.

"what we know my research over the last five years and looking at decades worth of literature that exists meta analyses it's found that if you do not fundamentally trust yourself and there are four dimensions which i'm sure we'll dive into if you don't trust yourself across these four dimensions you will invariably hold back hesitate overthink wait until you feel ready and you're getting in your own way and even if you achieve success you're always going to be feeling like something is missing"

Dr. Shadé Zahrai highlights that a lack of fundamental self-trust, across four key dimensions, leads to hesitation, overthinking, and delays in taking action. She notes that even achieving success without this core trust leaves a feeling of something being missing, underscoring self-trust as a crucial element for genuine fulfillment.

"the scar was removed it wasn't even there but they believed it was there and that shaped their reality yes and i often think about limiting beliefs like a container like your belief is the container of your life and whilst that belief holds weight in your mind you will only ever live your life within that container you can't go beyond it because your belief won't allow you to so that limiting belief limits your experience of life"

Dr. Rangan Chatterjee reflects on a study where participants believed they had a scar, which influenced their interactions, even after the scar was removed. He uses this to illustrate how limiting beliefs act as containers, restricting our life experiences to what our beliefs allow, thereby shaping our reality based on internal perceptions rather than external facts.

"the top regret people have is not i wish i set up that business or we scaled there or i did this or it was i wish i lived a life i wish i had the courage to live a life that was aligned with what i wanted not other people's expectations and so fundamentally that brings us back to this first driver of self doubt it undermines our trust in ourselves because we're outsourcing our worth but as you said we then live in a very fragile place"

Dr. Shadé Zahrai connects the top regret of individuals nearing the end of their lives to a lack of courage in living authentically, rather than according to others' expectations. She posits that this regret stems from a fundamental lack of self-trust, which leads to outsourcing one's worth and consequently living in a fragile state.

"we need to imagine that our self image our limiting beliefs are the pot that we have planted ourselves into yeah and we can at any moment so the issue is that when we're in that pot that's all we see that's genuinely what we believe that we are because it's a blueprint that then influences how we live our lives and it's continually reinforced so it's very easy to feel like this is me i am fixed this is concrete yeah but all you need to do sometime is recognize you're in a pot move yourself to a bigger pot or better yet plant yourself in open soil"

Dr. Shadé Zahrai uses the metaphor of a pot to describe how self-image and limiting beliefs can confine our perception of potential. She emphasizes that while being within this "pot" makes it seem like our current reality is fixed, we possess the ability to recognize this limitation and actively choose to expand our horizons by "moving to a bigger pot" or "planting ourselves in open soil."

"the luck surface area is the amount of luck you make yourself available to receive it's almost like are you becoming discoverable to luck and how do we do that by expanding our tolerance for discomfort i love that expanding your tolerance for discomfort doing more of the hard things because the more you do the hard things the easier the hard things come become sorry and then the more opportunities you have to capitalize on opportunities"

Dr. Chatterjee introduces the concept of "luck surface area," suggesting that luck is not purely random but can be influenced by our actions. He argues that by expanding our tolerance for discomfort and engaging in challenging activities, we increase our "discoverability" to luck and create more opportunities to capitalize on them.

Resources

External Resources

Books

  • "Big Trust: Rewire Self-Doubt, Find Your Confidence, and Fuel Success" by Dr. Shadé Zahrai - Mentioned as the source of the conversation's framework on self-trust and its four attributes.
  • "Open" by Andre Agassi - Referenced for the story of his experience with insecurity about his appearance and its impact on his performance.
  • "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert - Mentioned for her anecdote about overcoming writer's block by promising to write, not to write brilliantly.

Articles & Papers

  • Study on children and behavior (2014) - Discussed to illustrate how identity framing ("be a helper" vs. "help") influences actions.
  • Large-scale study on New Year's resolutions - Referenced for the statistic that most people break goals by day 21.
  • Study on Nobel Prize-winning scientists and hobbies - Cited to show the correlation between creative hobbies and scientific achievement.
  • Study on over 90,000 people across 16 countries on hobbies - Mentioned for its finding that hobbies increase self-esteem.
  • Study on the brain's processing of social rejection vs. physical pain - Used to explain why the brain magnifies potential negative outcomes to protect individuals.
  • Study on the effects of complaining on the brain - Referenced for the finding that complaining reactivates negative experiences.
  • Study on cows and bison responding to storms - Used as an analogy for how individuals respond to challenges (avoidance vs. facing).
  • Study on the luck surface area - Discussed as a concept related to how individuals make themselves available to receive luck.
  • Study on monks shaving their heads - Used as an example of removing material attachments and focusing inward.
  • Study on the impact of attractiveness on legal sentencing - Cited to illustrate societal biases related to appearance.
  • Study on mirror neurons and empathy - Explained as a biological mechanism for mirroring others' emotions.
  • Research by Professor Dan McAdams on narrative identity - Referenced for the concept of redemptive vs. contamination stories and how they shape self-perception.

People

  • Dr. Shadé Zahrai - Guest and author of "Big Trust," an authority on confidence and self-doubt.
  • Dr. Rangan Chatterjee - Host of the podcast, author, and advocate for better health and meaningful life.
  • James Clear - Quoted for his idea that consistent actions build self-trust.
  • Robert Cialdini - Psychology professor from Dartmouth who conducted a study on expectation bias.
  • Faisal - Dr. Zahrai's husband, with whom she co-founded a business.
  • Maya Shankar - Cognitive scientist who coined the term "role identity fusion."
  • Itzhak Perlman - Renowned violinist under whom Maya Shankar studied.
  • Bronnie Ware - Palliative nurse whose reflections on patients' final regrets are cited.
  • Henry Shukman - Zen master and creator of the meditation app "The Way."
  • Tenzin Gyatso - Mentioned as a monk who has been a guest on the podcast.
  • Elizabeth Gilbert - Author of "Eat Pray Love," cited for her writing process anecdote.
  • Brooke Shields - Actress and former girlfriend of Andre Agassi, who advised him to shave his head.
  • Phil Knight - Co-founder of Nike, credited with stating that Tinker Hatfield's designs saved the company.
  • Tinker Hatfield - Nike architect and footwear designer, credited with designing the Nike Air Max 1.
  • Pete Sampras - Tennis player who competed against Andre Agassi in the 1995 French Open final.

Organizations & Institutions

  • Nike - Company whose challenges in the 1980s and the design of the Air Max 1 are discussed.
  • PFF (Pro Football Focus) - Mentioned in the context of Kevin Cole's background.
  • NFL (National Football League) - Mentioned in the context of Kevin Cole's background.
  • New England Patriots - Mentioned as an example team for performance analysis.

Other Resources

  • Self-image - Discussed as the blueprint of our lives, influencing actions and beliefs.
  • Limiting beliefs - Described as a "pot" that restricts one's potential and experience of life.
  • Self-trust - Presented as the opposite of self-doubt, the foundation for confidence, action, and meaningful change.
  • Self-efficacy - Defined as the fundamental belief in one's ability to achieve goals and overcome challenges.
  • Expectation bias - A psychological phenomenon where expectations influence perception and experience.
  • Confirmation bias - The tendency to seek out, interpret, and recall information in a way that confirms one's pre-existing beliefs.
  • Selective attention - The brain's tendency to focus on information that aligns with its beliefs.
  • Core self-evaluations - The fundamental beliefs individuals hold about themselves, comprising four personality traits.
  • Personality traits - Discussed as being potentially malleable rather than fixed.
  • Nature nurture - Acknowledged as factors shaping personality.
  • Therapy - Mentioned as an intervention that facilitates personal change.
  • Journaling - Suggested as a practice for self-reflection and change.
  • Meditation - Mentioned as a tool for personal growth.
  • To-do list - Contrasted with a "to-be list" for personal development.
  • To-be list - An exercise focused on desired qualities and legacy.
  • Values - Discussed as core principles that represent one's essence.
  • Integrity, curiosity, compassion - Dr. Zahrai's stated core values.
  • Professed vs. expressed values - The distinction between stated values and lived values.
  • Self-esteem - The psychological trait related to one's sense of worth and lovability.
  • Acceptance - The trainable attribute linked to self-esteem, involving self-worth and value.
  • Pressure to prove - A pattern of behavior stemming from low self-acceptance, involving constant self-validation.
  • Likability trap - A pattern where individuals prioritize being liked over their own desires due to outsourced self-worth.
  • Shrinking syndrome - A pattern where individuals limit their potential due to fear of failure or judgment.
  • Schadenfreude - The enjoyment of others' misfortune, seen as a sign of low self-acceptance.
  • Arrival fallacy - The tendency to believe happiness will be found after achieving a goal, leading to perpetual searching.
  • Role identity fusion - The tendency to identify solely with one's job title or role.
  • Creative hobby - Suggested as a way to expand identity beyond work and foster new thinking.
  • Flow state - A state of complete immersion in an activity, requiring skill and challenge.
  • Micro bravery - Small, low-risk acts of courage to build tolerance for discomfort and expand "luck surface area."
  • Systematic desensitization - A technique for overcoming fears by gradually exposing oneself to the feared stimulus.
  • Impression management - The effort to control how others perceive oneself.
  • Peak performance - Defined as operating from one's peak state, not necessarily elite-level achievement.
  • Aging anxiety - Fear and stress related to the aging process, often linked to identity and appearance.
  • Internal locus of control - The belief that one has control over their life outcomes.
  • External locus of control - The belief that external forces control life outcomes.
  • Co-rumination - The act of repeatedly discussing problems and negative thoughts.
  • Visualization - A technique that can be powerful due to the brain's inability to distinguish between real and imagined experiences.
  • Negativity magnet - A person who focuses on negativity, attracting more of it.
  • Implementation intention - A strategy involving planning how to overcome anticipated obstacles.
  • Redemptive story - A narrative where individuals frame experiences, even negative ones, as opportunities for growth.
  • Contamination story - A narrative where negative experiences are seen as proof of inherent unworthiness or unfairness.
  • Autonomy - The attribute related to having an internal locus of control and taking ownership of one's life.
  • Agency - The attribute related to self-efficacy and the belief in one's ability to act and achieve.
  • Adaptability - The attribute related to emotional regulation and responding to challenges without being driven by emotion.
  • Big Trust Energy - The ability to show up with self-trust in any moment.
  • Oxycontin - A hormone released during prosocial acts, leading to positive feelings.
  • Prosocial high - The positive feeling derived from acts of kindness and service.
  • The Way - A meditation app created by Henry Shukman.
  • Nike Air Max 1 - An iconic sneaker designed by Tinker Hatfield.
  • Centre Pompidou - A building in Paris that inspired the design of the Nike Air Max 1.
  • Breath holds - A practice mentioned for building resilience to stress.
  • Friday Five - Dr. Chatterjee's free weekly email newsletter.
  • Apple Subscription - Offered as a way to listen to episodes advert-free.

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