Routines That Aren't Routine Reveal Misaligned Priorities

This conversation with Laura Vandercam on "Before Breakfast" delves into the often-unseen gap between our perceived routines and the reality of our daily lives. The core thesis is that many of us construct narratives around habits that aren't actually routine, leading to a disconnect between our intentions and our actions. The hidden consequence revealed is a potential for self-deception about our own discipline and priorities. This analysis is crucial for anyone struggling with time management, productivity, or simply understanding why their best-laid plans often falter. By applying consequence mapping, readers can gain an advantage in aligning their actions with their true priorities, leading to more realistic self-assessment and effective life design.

The Illusion of Routine: When Intentions Diverge from Reality

Many of us operate under the assumption that our routines are, by definition, routine -- consistent, predictable patterns that shape our days. However, Laura Vandercam's exploration in "Are Your Routines Routine?" reveals a more complex and often uncomfortable truth: the routines we believe we have are frequently exceptions rather than the rule. This disconnect isn't merely a minor oversight; it can lead to a fundamental misrepresentation of our own lives, impacting everything from our self-perception to our strategic decision-making. The consequence of this illusion is that we might be building entire narratives about our discipline, our efficiency, or our priorities based on a foundation that simply isn't there.

The first layer of this consequence map involves the initial perception. We might tell ourselves, or others, that we "always" do X, or that Y is a "weekly ritual." This is often a well-intentioned narrative, a shorthand for our aspirations. However, when time tracking or honest self-assessment reveals that these routines occur sporadically at best, the narrative begins to fray. This isn't about judgment, as Vandercam emphasizes, but about gathering "interesting data about your life, your interests, and your priorities." The immediate effect of a non-routine routine is a small, often unnoticed, deviation from the planned day.

But the downstream effects are where systems thinking becomes critical. If we consistently believe we have a certain routine -- say, a rigorous morning workout -- but in reality, it only happens once every few weeks, we are subtly miscalibrating our understanding of our own willpower and time availability. This can lead to frustration when our desired outcomes aren't achieved, or worse, a feeling of inadequacy. The system, in this case, is our own self-awareness. When it's fed inaccurate data (the idea of the routine versus the reality), it begins to make flawed predictions about future performance.

"Sometimes people construct whole narratives about their lives based on routines that are not actually routine."

This miscalibration is particularly potent when it comes to perceived priorities. Vandercam highlights the example of someone who thinks they should be meal prepping on Sundays, but consistently finds themselves with other plans. The routine isn't happening because it's not truly aligned with their weekend priorities, which might be social connection or relaxation. The immediate consequence of forcing a non-aligned routine is stress and a feeling of failure. The longer-term consequence, however, is that the actual priorities go unexamined. If the "meal prep routine" is consistently skipped, it's a signal that something else is taking precedence. Ignoring this signal means we’re not making rational choices about how we spend our limited time and energy. Instead, we might continue to feel guilty about the skipped meal prep, rather than acknowledging and embracing the higher-priority activity that is displacing it.

The Hidden Cost of "Should"

The impulse to adopt routines is often driven by external validation or a sense of what "should" be done. We see others with seemingly perfect morning routines or highly organized weekly schedules and aspire to the same. This external pressure can lead to the adoption of routines that don't genuinely serve our needs or align with our deeply held priorities. The system here is our personal value hierarchy. When external "shoulds" override internal "wants" or "needs," the system becomes unstable.

The immediate payoff of attempting a routine that doesn't fit is often a fleeting sense of discipline or forward-thinking. It feels productive to plan the routine, even if the execution falters. However, the hidden cost is the energy and mental bandwidth expended on maintaining a facade. This is where conventional wisdom fails: it often advocates for adopting established routines without questioning their fundamental suitability for the individual. The extended forward view, however, shows that these ill-fitting routines create friction, not flow. They become a source of low-grade stress and a drain on resources that could be better applied elsewhere.

Consider the example of aiming to unload the dishwasher and start laundry while kids eat breakfast. The immediate benefit is a perceived efficiency gain -- getting chores done during a time when you're already occupied. But if the top priority is actually being present and connected with children during that precious pre-school window, then attempting the chores creates a conflict. The routine isn't routine because the underlying priority pulls you in the opposite direction. The system adapts by not performing the routine. The consequence of ignoring this adaptation is a continued cycle of attempted-but-failed routines, reinforcing a narrative of personal failure rather than a recognition of competing priorities.

"It is good to be aware, so we can make rational choices about life, rather than thinking something should happen more often, or thinking that it does happen more often than it actually does."

The more profound, delayed payoff from truly understanding why a routine isn't routine lies in the ability to make genuinely rational choices. This requires a willingness to confront the data, even when it's unflattering. It means accepting that perhaps a specific routine isn't for you, or that your priorities have shifted, and that's okay. This acceptance is where lasting advantage is built. Instead of chasing an idealized version of yourself, you start designing your life around your actual capabilities and desires. This creates a more sustainable and authentic approach to productivity and well-being, a moat against the constant pressure to conform to external standards.

Realigning Action with Reality: The Path to Sustainable Progress

The core challenge Vandercam presents is not about forcing routines into existence, but about understanding the dynamics that prevent them from becoming natural. This requires a shift from a prescriptive mindset ("I must do X") to a diagnostic one ("Why am I not doing X, and what does that tell me?"). The systems thinking here involves recognizing that routines are emergent properties of our priorities, energy levels, and available time, not independent variables that can be imposed arbitrarily.

When a routine isn't routine, it's a signal. It could mean the routine itself is too ambitious. Trying to write three pages of journaling in the morning when you only have fifteen minutes available will inevitably lead to the routine being skipped. The immediate consequence is the feeling of having failed. The downstream effect is that journaling, a potentially valuable practice, gets abandoned altogether because the initial attempt was too grand. A more effective approach, as suggested, is to pare down the routine to its most essential, achievable component -- perhaps one paragraph. This smaller, more manageable routine is more likely to become actual routine, creating a positive feedback loop of accomplishment.

The systems perspective also helps us see that sometimes, the "problem" isn't the lack of routine, but the story we tell ourselves about it. If we've constructed a narrative of being a highly disciplined person who always exercises on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, but the reality is far more sporadic, the dissonance can be jarring. The advantage of updating our perception -- accepting that the routine isn't happening as often as we thought -- is that it frees us from the burden of that false narrative. We can then approach our time management with more honesty and less self-recrimination. This allows for more effective planning, as we're working with accurate data about our own behavior.

"If you realize that some of your routines aren't routine, this doesn't need to be a 'gotcha' moment. I think it is simply interesting data about your life, your interests, and your priorities."

Ultimately, the insight that routines may not be routine is a powerful tool for self-awareness and effective life design. It encourages us to look beyond the surface-level "shoulds" and delve into what truly drives our actions and occupies our time. By mapping the consequences of our perceived routines versus our actual habits, we can begin to make more rational and sustainable choices, aligning our daily actions with our genuine priorities and creating a more accurate, and often more fulfilling, narrative for our lives. This requires patience and a willingness to accept that sometimes, the most productive thing we can do is to adjust our expectations rather than our schedules.

• Immediate Action: For any routine you wish were routine, track your actual adherence for one week. Note down when it happens and when it doesn't, without judgment.
• Immediate Action: Identify one routine that consistently fails. Ask yourself: "Do I truly care about this outcome, or am I doing this because I think I should?"
• Immediate Action: If a routine is too ambitious, scale it back drastically. Aim for 5 minutes of journaling instead of 30, or one healthy meal component instead of a full prep.
• Longer-Term Investment (3-6 months): Re-evaluate your stated priorities. Are your daily actions (even the non-routine ones) reflecting these priorities? Adjust your schedule to better align with what you value most.
• Longer-Term Investment (6-12 months): Develop a narrative about your life that accurately reflects your habits, rather than your aspirations. This fosters self-acceptance and reduces frustration.
• Immediate Action/Longer-Term Investment (Ongoing): When considering a new routine, ask: "What priority does this serve, and is it a high enough priority to displace other activities?" This encourages conscious choice over habitual adoption.
• Immediate Action: If a routine is consistently not happening and you've determined you don't truly care about its outcome, give yourself permission to let it go. This frees up mental space and reduces perceived failure.