Choosing Meaningful Struggles Over a Struggle-Free Life

Key Quotes

"I think what most people get wrong about living a good life is they assume that a good life is a life without struggle or problems or stress. I would argue that problems and struggles and stress are inevitable. A good life is having problems, stress, or struggle that you are grateful for having, that feel meaningful and powerful, and feel like they're serving some higher purpose."

Mark Manson argues that a good life is not defined by the absence of challenges, but by the presence of meaningful struggles. He suggests that the problems we face can be a source of gratitude if they feel significant and contribute to a larger purpose.

"What I find with people is that this process of finding what actually matters to you and what is actually going to be meaningful in your life, it's less of going out and seeking it. You know, there's this term in self-help of finding your purpose, which I personally believe is a little bit of a misnomer because I don't think purpose is necessarily found. It's not like it's hiding under a rock somewhere and you have to go pick up the right rock and be like, "Oh, my purpose, I found it." I think the actual experience of it is that it's more revealed. Like it's already there, it's already in you, you're already doing the thing or experiencing it in some way."

Manson explains that purpose is not something to be actively searched for, but rather something that emerges or is revealed over time. He believes purpose is already present within individuals, obscured by external pressures and distractions, and the process involves stripping away these layers to uncover what is already there.

"I think maybe a marathon might be a short-term goal, but when people think about what they really want, how would you help someone figure that out? Is it something that they've absorbed from parents, friends, Instagram, or how do you really look in and figure out where do I want to go?"

This quote highlights the challenge of distinguishing genuine desires from externally influenced aspirations. Manson prompts listeners to consider whether their goals originate from personal conviction or from societal influences like parents, friends, or social media.

"I think what you're describing is it's a side effect of living in the social media age or the internet age, which is I think we are vastly over-indexed on the global and we're under-indexed on the local. So people really underestimate the things that are unique to themselves. You could be somebody, let's say for instance, a friend of mine grew up in the foster care system and he ended up becoming successful in his adult life, but he spends a lot of helping with various charities, helping with foster kids, mentoring them. That's something that he feels very uniquely positioned to do given his background."

Manson suggests that the modern digital age leads people to focus too much on grand, global ambitions, neglecting the unique contributions they can make locally. He uses the example of a friend who leverages his personal experience with the foster care system to help others, illustrating how individual backgrounds can uniquely position someone to make a difference.

"Life is always hard. You could be the wealthiest, most successful person in the world, it's going to be hard. Every level of financial success is difficult. Let me put it this way, it's hard to work a lot, it's also hard to not work. It's hard to have a big family, it's also hard to not have any family. It's hard to have lots of hobbies and interests, it's also hard to not have any hobbies and interests. Like any path you choose is going to be hard in some shape or form."

Manson emphasizes that hardship is an inherent aspect of life, regardless of one's circumstances. He argues that every choice and path involves its own set of difficulties, suggesting that the key is not to avoid struggle, but to choose the challenges that are most aligned with one's preferences and capabilities.

"I think where people get led astray is decisions should be primarily motivated through your personal values. I think people tend to make decisions based on status markers, external signifiers, kind of arbitrary metrics. We were talking about metrics earlier. You just unconsciously ascribe to some metric that is just completely arbitrary and bullshit. Like how big your house is or what neighborhood you live in or how much your car costs, whatever."

Manson asserts that personal values should be the primary drivers of decision-making, rather than external markers of success like wealth or status. He criticizes the tendency to rely on arbitrary metrics that do not reflect deeper personal priorities, suggesting that aligning decisions with core values leads to more fulfilling outcomes.

"I would implore people, replace your goal-setting exercises with value-setting exercises this year. Just try it for a year. I think people will find a lot of leverage out of that."

Manson advocates for prioritizing the identification of personal values over the setting of goals. He suggests that focusing on values can provide a more sustainable and impactful framework for life decisions, offering a potentially more rewarding approach than traditional goal-setting.