Meditation's Power: Meeting Discomfort Through "Remembering"

This conversation with meditation teacher Sebene Selassie, featured in a preview of Dan Harris's new audiobook Even You Can Meditate, reveals that the path to managing anxiety and thought loops is not about eradicating discomfort, but about developing a profound capacity to meet it. The non-obvious implication is that true freedom from suffering isn't found in avoiding difficult emotions or sensations, but in cultivating a non-judgmental, embodied awareness that allows us to surf these waves without drowning. This insight is crucial for anyone feeling overwhelmed or skeptical about meditation, offering a practical framework to find a sustainable practice that yields tangible benefits, like reduced stress and improved focus, often faster than anticipated. By reframing meditation not as a quest for perfection but as a practice of "remembering," listeners gain an advantage in building resilience and emotional regulation that compounds over time.

The Counterintuitive Power of "Remembering"

The common perception of meditation is often one of achieving a perfectly still, thought-free mind. However, Sebene Selassie, in conversation with Dan Harris, introduces a more nuanced and accessible understanding: mindfulness is fundamentally about "remembering." This isn't about achieving a permanent state of grace, but about the repeated act of noticing when our attention has wandered--a predictable occurrence--and gently bringing it back. This seemingly simple act, repeated consistently, is where the transformative power lies.

"We're not practicing to become good meditators, we're employing this practice of meditation to help us be more aware, present, and dare I say, free in our lives."

This insight directly challenges the notion that distraction or imperfection is a failure in meditation. Instead, it reframes these moments as the very essence of the practice. The "mindfulness" we strive for, a translation of the ancient Pali word sati, is not merely a cognitive process but an embodied, holistic awareness that includes the body, emotions, and sensations. When we get lost in thought, feel restless, or experience doubt--what are classically known as the "five hindrances"--the act of remembering to return to our anchor (like the breath or bodily sensations) is the practice itself. This constant cycle of forgetting and remembering builds a resilience that extends far beyond the meditation cushion.

The immediate benefit here is a reduction in self-criticism. Instead of viewing distraction as a sign of inadequacy, practitioners learn to see it as an opportunity to engage in the core practice. This reframing can be a significant relief for those who have tried meditation before and felt they "weren't good at it." The consequence of this approach is a gradual loosening of the grip that anxieties and insecurities have on us. The "freedom" Selassie speaks of isn't necessarily a grand, permanent enlightenment, but the momentary experience of being free from being "hooked and dragged" by our internal storms. This freedom, experienced in small doses, can quickly make life feel better, as Selassie notes, with improvements compounding over time, much like a wise investment.

Beyond the Mind: The Body as an Anchor for Freedom

A significant consequence of our modern, fast-paced lives is a cultural over-privileging of the mind, often at the expense of embodied awareness. We are conditioned to think, analyze, and strategize, which can lead to being constantly lost in thought loops, disconnected from our physical selves. Selassie emphasizes that true mindfulness, or sati, is a "global and holistic awareness," extending beyond just thoughts to include the body and emotions. This is why the practices often begin with the body--it's a reliable anchor to the present moment.

"The body is always in the present moment. So it's a really reliable anchor for our awareness."

The implication here is that while the mind can easily transport us to the past or future, leading to rumination or anxiety, the body is always here, now. By bringing awareness to physical sensations, breath, or even the simple act of standing, we ground ourselves in the present. This is particularly helpful for those who find sitting still challenging. Selassie offers alternatives like standing or lying down, emphasizing that the posture is less important than the intention to be aware. This adaptability is key to making the practice accessible and sustainable.

The downstream effect of prioritizing embodied awareness is a more balanced relationship with our internal experiences. Instead of trying to intellectually dissect or suppress uncomfortable emotions or physical sensations, we learn to meet them with a "non-judgmental, warm remove." This capacity to "surf the waves of your mind and of the world without drowning in them" is a direct outcome of this holistic approach. It allows us to engage with pain or discomfort without adding the extra layer of suffering that often comes from resistance or self-judgment. For individuals dealing with chronic pain or significant life crises, as Selassie has, this ability to be with what is, rather than fighting it, is not just beneficial; it's a profound source of strength and resilience.

Intention: The Engine for Sustained Practice

In the journey of meditation, intention acts as the driving force, especially when faced with the inevitable challenges. Selassie highlights the "overweening importance of intention," defining it as the conscious choice to be well, to feel healthy, happy, and less stressed. While this intention can start with self-care, it has the potential to expand outwards, influencing our relationships and our contributions to the world.

"Our intention can actually spread out into well-being for all."

The non-obvious consequence of clarifying one's intention is that it provides a powerful "engine and motor" for the practice, especially during periods of difficulty. When the immediate rewards of meditation feel distant, or when the "five hindrances" loom large, a clear intention serves as a compelling reason to persist. For Selassie, her initial intention was pain relief, but over time, it evolved into a broader aspiration for the "benefit of all beings." This evolution demonstrates how intention can deepen and mature, providing a sustained motivation that transcends fleeting feelings of calm or focus.

For practitioners, understanding and tracking their "why" is crucial. This isn't about setting rigid goals, but about cultivating a flexible, guiding principle. When we begin a practice with a clear intention, even one as simple as "taking care of this body and mind and heart," the fruits of that self-care naturally extend to others. This outward ripple effect is a powerful, often overlooked, benefit of consistent practice. It suggests that personal well-being is not a selfish pursuit but a prerequisite for effective engagement with the world. The advantage gained here is the creation of a durable practice that can weather life's storms, fueled by a purpose that goes beyond immediate relief.

Key Action Items

• Clarify your "Why": Over the next week, reflect on your personal reasons for exploring meditation. Is it stress reduction, focus, emotional regulation, or something else? Write it down. This will serve as your initial intention.
• Embrace "Forgetting": Understand that distraction is not failure. Over the next month, when you notice your mind wandering during meditation, gently acknowledge it and re-focus, recognizing this as the core practice.
• Anchor in the Body: For the next two weeks, dedicate at least one meditation session daily to focusing on physical sensations, such as the breath or points of contact with your seat. This builds present-moment awareness.
• Experiment with Posture: Over the next quarter, try meditating in different positions (sitting, standing, lying down) to discover what feels most accessible and grounding for your body. This pays off by making the practice more sustainable.
• Practice Non-Judgment: For the next 18 months, actively notice when you are judging your meditation experience (e.g., "I'm not doing this right"). Replace the judgment with a gentle, curious observation, fostering a warmer relationship with your practice.
• Seek Graduated Teachings: Over the next 3-6 months, explore various meditation techniques and traditions. If using the Even You Can Meditate audiobook, try to follow the suggested order of practices to build foundational skills.
• Expand Your Intention: After 6-12 months of consistent practice, consider how your personal well-being can extend to benefiting others. This longer-term investment can deepen your commitment and the practice's impact.