Louie Spence's Lifelong Anxiety: Childhood Neglect, Fame, and Resilience

Key Quotes

When I was young, on the council estate, it would have been my mum convincing my dad to remortgage so I could go to London to a stage school. We had a great childhood, but I was having anxiety. I remember I couldn't go to bed until my parents were home because I thought they were going to die and then what would I do?

Louie Spence explains that his parents made significant financial sacrifices, including remortgaging their home, to fund his stage school education. This highlights the immense pressure and financial strain placed on his family to support his early talent. Spence also reveals the deep-seated anxiety he experienced as a child, fearing for his parents' safety whenever they were out.

My mum was an alcoholic. She'd damaged her liver. We went to the hospital. She's got this mask on, the oxygen. They put it on and she's a bit in and out of consciousness. Then I swear to God, she sat bolt upright, took the mask off and said, "I've had enough." Within 20 seconds she was dead.

Louie Spence recounts the tragic and sudden death of his mother due to alcoholism. He describes the distressing scene in the hospital and his mother's final words before passing away. Spence expresses the profound difficulty of reconciling his mother's addiction with his love for her, grappling with the idea that she may have chosen alcohol over her family.

I swear to God, she sat bolt upright, took the mask off and said, "I've had enough." And I was like, "Mum," I said, "You know, if you take this mask off, you're not going to be able to breathe." She said, "I've had enough." As clear as, as clear. And like I say, this whole time she's been like this on the, and you know, the oxygen, you know, bolt upright. That's it. She laid down. Within 20 seconds, 30 seconds, literally said, "That's it. I've had enough." She went like this. And there's this horrible gurgling sound. It's like a gurgle trying out there. And then just, she was dead.

Louie Spence details the final moments of his mother's life, emphasizing her conscious decision to remove her oxygen mask and declare she had "had enough." He describes the swiftness of her passing and the disturbing sounds that accompanied it. Spence conveys the raw and immediate nature of this traumatic event, which he had not previously shared publicly.

Because I was always frightened of her dying and my dad. I was always frightened whenever they went, whenever they went out anywhere, I'd find they'd have a car crash. And this is at a young age of like seven and eight, you know, and it just continued, you know, so I always thought that they were going to die, that something was going to happen to them.

Louie Spence explains the origins of his lifelong anxiety, tracing it back to his childhood fears of his parents dying. He describes how, from a very young age, he would worry about them having car accidents whenever they left the house. Spence highlights that this pervasive fear contributed to his ongoing struggles with anxiety throughout his life.

And the most important conversations he’s had are with himself.

Louie Spence reveals that he considers his most important conversations to be those he has with himself. He explains that these internal dialogues are crucial for his survival, acting as a constant internal voice that encourages him to keep going and not succumb to darkness. Spence views this self-conversation as essential for maintaining his battle against anxiety and depression.