Specific Encouragement as the Most Valuable, Lasting Gift

Key Quotes

"Here's the truth I think you give them something money cannot buy yeah that's right the rarest gift you can give isn't expensive and that gift is very very very specific encouragement yeah very very very specific encouragement you see vague encouragement is kind of like fast food it fills the moment but it doesn't last long specific encouragement though that's gourmet yeah yeah yeah that that's special that that's michelin star restaurant it's the kind of thing that people save hold onto for a decade literally"

Ryan Leak argues that the most valuable gift for someone who has everything is not material but rather specific encouragement. He contrasts vague encouragement, likening it to fast food, with specific encouragement, which he describes as gourmet and long-lasting. Leak emphasizes that this type of encouragement is so impactful that people will keep and cherish it for years.

"I think we live in a culture that celebrates the grand gesture the luxury gift the exotic vacation the big surprise but what most people actually crave is to be seen. It's to be known. It's to be told I noticed this about you and it matters and it's added value to my life."

Ryan Leak points out that while society often highlights grand gestures and material gifts, people fundamentally desire to be recognized and understood. He explains that being seen and known, with specific observations about oneself, adds significant value to an individual's life. Leak suggests that this deeper form of recognition is what people truly crave.

"The ones I remember are the ones that say hey ryan the thing you said three years ago still shapes how I lead today hey ryan here are the notes that I took in 2018 when you spoke on this message at this place and it's still impacting me today yeah it's it's when somebody points to a moment points to a phrase a decision a post a video or perhaps even a failure that made an impact on how they're living today"

Ryan Leak shares personal examples of specific encouragement that have had a lasting impact on him. He highlights that these memorable messages reference particular moments, phrases, or even failures that have shaped his life. Leak's experience demonstrates that pinpointing specific instances of influence makes encouragement far more potent and memorable than general praise.

"Now you might think people already know what you think about them but let me just tell you what i've learned they don't yeah yeah they don't the biggest mistake that you can make during the holiday season is to assume that they already know"

Ryan Leak asserts that a common error people make is assuming their loved ones are aware of their positive thoughts and feelings towards them. He stresses that this assumption is often incorrect and can lead to missed opportunities for meaningful connection. Leak advises against assuming appreciation is understood, emphasizing the need for explicit communication.

"Number one start with who they are not what they've just done yeah it likes to start with who they are i think most of us are used to being praised for our performance not our personhood but the greatest encouragement isn't about what people produce it's about who they are so instead of writing you're amazing at your job could say hey did you know you make people feel safe at work i love that about you"

Ryan Leak provides a practical tip for giving specific encouragement by focusing on a person's character rather than their achievements. He explains that people are often praised for their performance, but true encouragement addresses their core identity. Leak suggests shifting from praising job performance to acknowledging inherent qualities, such as making others feel safe.

"Lastly this is big you can do this i promise you the note the video however you're going to encourage them this holiday season tell them what they've taught you i think every single person we love in our life is teaching us something they just don't know it so i think you can say something like hey did you know like you've made me better but you don't stop there you tell them how yeah you made me better and in the way you made me better is you taught me how to forgive faster"

Ryan Leak encourages listeners to tell people what they have taught them as a powerful form of encouragement. He believes everyone we love is imparting lessons, often unknowingly. Leak illustrates this by suggesting one can tell someone how they have learned to forgive faster through their example, thereby highlighting the person's positive influence.

"People might forget the gifts you got them but they will never forget how your words made them feel so this christmas or birthday or random tuesday when you're tempted to add something to the cart for them that you hope that they're going to like i would challenge you to think about not what could i add to the cart but what could i add to their heart"

Ryan Leak concludes by emphasizing the enduring impact of words compared to material gifts. He challenges the audience to shift their focus from purchasing items to enriching someone's emotional life. Leak suggests that the feeling evoked by thoughtful words will be remembered long after any physical gift is forgotten.