Curiosity and Schedule Control--Not Ambition--Build Fulfilling Lives

The "Have It All" Myth: Why Curiosity, Not Ambition, Builds a Truly Fulfilling Life

This conversation with Joanna Coles, a luminary in media, dismantles the pervasive myth that women can and should "have it all" in the traditional sense. Instead, it reveals a more nuanced, and ultimately more rewarding, path driven by curiosity and a willingness to embrace life's inherent messiness. Coles argues that feminism, while crucial, has often undersold the profound joy and fulfillment of motherhood, creating an unspoken pressure cooker for women. The hidden consequence of the "have it all" narrative is the anxiety it breeds, obscuring the true levers of control and satisfaction: mastering one's schedule and finding purpose in genuine interest. This analysis is essential for anyone feeling the strain of competing expectations, particularly women navigating career and family, offering a framework to redefine success on their own terms and gain an advantage by focusing on durable, intrinsic drivers.

The Unseen Trade-Offs of the "Boss" Title

The allure of being "the boss" is often tied to perceived power and prestige, but Joanna Coles points to a far more practical, yet often overlooked, benefit: control over one's schedule. This isn't just about flexibility; it's a critical mechanism for mitigating the anxiety of parenting. When you control your calendar, the immediate needs of children--a sick day, a school play, a spontaneous moment of need--don't trigger a cascade of panic about taking time off. This ability to integrate life's demands, rather than rigidly compartmentalize them, is presented not as a perk, but as a fundamental aspect of reducing stress.

"But the real luxury in life when you are a working parent is to be able to control your schedule. And what you can do when you're the boss is control your schedule."

-- Joanna Coles

The implication here is that true career success, particularly for women, isn't solely defined by climbing the ladder, but by achieving a position that grants agency over one's time. This agency allows for a more integrated and less anxious approach to parenthood, a "balance" that is financial through increased earnings and, more importantly, temporal. The conventional wisdom might focus on titles and compensation, but Coles highlights how the ability to say "yes" to a child's need without professional repercussions is a more profound form of success. This delayed payoff--the reduction of anxiety and the deeper connection with family--is a competitive advantage against the pervasive stress many working parents experience.

Curiosity as the Engine of Meaningful Ambition

Coles provocatively pushes back against the label of being "ambitious," reframing her career trajectory as one driven by "curiosity." This distinction is critical. Ambition, in its common understanding, implies a relentless pursuit of external validation and hierarchical advancement. Curiosity, however, suggests an intrinsic motivation to explore, understand, and engage with the world. This leads to a different kind of career progression--one that might involve unexpected pivots and a willingness to step off the conventional path.

The story of the taxi ambush on a CEO, while dramatic, is reframed not as a desperate act of ambition, but as a bold manifestation of curiosity and a desire to stand out appropriately. The more subtle example of the biscuit package, sent by a prospective candidate, illustrates this point further. While it didn't result in an immediate job, it cultivated a relationship and mentorship, demonstrating how genuine interest and thoughtful engagement can create long-term value that traditional applications might miss.

"What I am is curious. I am really curious and I like being in the next room and I'm interested in the next thing, and that's what drives me."

-- Joanna Coles

This focus on curiosity offers a powerful counterpoint to the often-harsh demands of modern hustle culture. It suggests that by following genuine interests, individuals can navigate their careers with more purpose and less burnout. The delayed payoff here is a career that feels authentic and sustainable, built on a foundation of intrinsic motivation rather than external pressure. Conventional advice often emphasizes relentless ambition, but Coles implies this can lead to a hollow pursuit; curiosity, conversely, builds a richer, more enduring professional life.

Redefining Feminism: Celebrating Motherhood's Joy

Perhaps the most striking aspect of Coles' perspective is her assertion that feminism has, in some ways, "gotten it wrong" by failing to adequately celebrate the joys of motherhood. She argues that the prevailing narrative often focused on the difficulties--the exhaustion, the juggling, the expense--while neglecting the profound fulfillment and fun that parenthood can bring. This has, she suggests, inadvertently diminished one of the most significant roles a woman can inhabit.

The consequence of this omission is that women may approach motherhood with undue anxiety, feeling as though it's an insurmountable challenge rather than a natural, albeit demanding, part of life. Coles’ wish is for women to embrace the fun and joy of parenting, suggesting that this perspective shift can make the experience less stressful and more rewarding.

"I felt as if I wish someone had said to me, 'It is going to be so much more fun.' And while it's fantastic to have a big career and a big job, and I've loved mine and it's not yet over, the thing that is most important to me is having been a mother."

-- Joanna Coles

This perspective challenges the zero-sum game often presented in "have it all" discussions. Instead, Coles suggests that a full life can, and should, encompass both a significant career and the deep satisfaction of motherhood, without necessarily framing one as a sacrifice for the other. The advantage gained by embracing this view is a more holistic and joyful approach to life, where the "difficult" aspects are acknowledged but do not overshadow the inherent rewards. Conventional feminist discourse, focused on breaking barriers, has perhaps overlooked the need to also celebrate and normalize the deeply human experience of nurturing a family.

The Portfolio Life: Navigating Change with Agency

Coles’ transition out of the magazine industry and into a "portfolio life" of board memberships, advisory roles, and investing offers a compelling model for navigating career disruption. She deliberately avoided "tying herself down to the next corporate gig," opting instead for a period of exploration and diversification. This approach, while requiring significant self-determination, offers a powerful way to build resilience and adapt to a rapidly changing professional landscape.

The difficulty in this phase, as she notes, lies in managing multiple stakeholders and maintaining context across diverse ventures. However, the freedom and stimulation derived from this varied experience represent a significant, albeit delayed, payoff. It contrasts sharply with the momentum of a traditional corporate job, where one fits into an existing system. The portfolio life demands proactive engagement and self-direction, creating a unique advantage for those who can master its complexities.

"I had a development deal with ABC Studios to develop more television. I just wanted to try different things. And also the industry was changing. I joined the board of Snapchat. I then joined the board of Sonos, the software and hardware company. I did some investing, which was fun, and I hadn't really had time to do before."

-- Joanna Coles

This strategy acknowledges the inherent chaos of life and proactively builds a buffer against it. By diversifying her professional engagements, Coles created a system that was less vulnerable to the decline of any single industry. This proactive diversification, while demanding, builds a unique form of resilience and adaptability that is increasingly valuable. The conventional path might be to seek the next stable corporate role, but Coles demonstrates the power of embracing uncertainty and building a career that is responsive to evolving opportunities.

Key Action Items:

• Embrace Curiosity Over Conventional Ambition: Actively seek out new interests and learning opportunities. Dedicate time each week to exploring topics outside your immediate professional scope. (Immediate Action)
• Reclaim Your Schedule: Identify one area where you can exert more control over your calendar to reduce parental anxiety. This might involve delegating tasks or setting firmer boundaries. (Immediate Action)
• Reframe Motherhood: Consciously focus on and celebrate the joyful aspects of parenting, countering any ingrained narratives of it being solely a burden. (Ongoing Practice)
• Explore a "Portfolio" Mindset: Consider diversifying your professional engagement beyond a single role. This could involve taking on a board position, advising a startup, or pursuing a passion project. (Long-term Investment: 12-18 months to establish)
• Practice "Comfortable Discomfort": Actively seek out situations that feel challenging or uncertain, recognizing that these are often the environments where the most significant growth and learning occur. (Ongoing Practice - builds advantage over time)
• Develop a "Plan B and C": Proactively anticipate potential disruptions and develop contingency plans, not out of fear, but as a strategic way to manage life's inherent chaos. (Immediate Action)
• Cultivate a "Messy" Mindset: Accept that life and careers are rarely linear. Embrace challenges and setbacks as natural parts of the journey, rather than deviations from a perfect plan. (Ongoing Practice - fosters resilience)