How Vocal Tone and Nonverbal Cues Build Trust

Key Quotes

"There are hidden opportunities waiting for you in your texts in your emails in your profiles if you choose to take them and all it takes is a couple of words swapping we even reading the word win makes the other person think more like a winner what a gift to give."

Lewis Howes suggests that even small word choices can influence perception, framing the word "win" as a gift that encourages a "winner" mindset in others. This highlights the subtle power of language in shaping how others feel and think about themselves.

"The quotes that i heard in high school from roosevelt is people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care saves my life literally because i didn't feel competent my entire school life right in school i was at the bottom of my class i just graded poorly which confirmed like i'm not smart enough or like i'll never be able to be as intelligent as my classmates or anyone in the world so why would anyone like me or trust me because i didn't feel competent."

Lewis Howes shares how a quote from Roosevelt about caring being more important than knowing profoundly impacted him, especially given his past struggles with feeling incompetent in school. This demonstrates how prioritizing emotional connection over perceived intellectual superiority can be a powerful tool for building likability and trust.

"This is called a non verbal bridge it's kind of an advanced technique a non verbal bridge is a way that we cross into someone's intimate space but safely so what happens is when we're with someone and we want to connect with them we want more oxytocin we want to bond with them but sometimes it can be hard to break that boundary a non verbal bridge is a way that we can create oxytocin with permission so that could be handing someone something that could be giving a high five that could be touching their elbow."

Vanessa Van Edwards explains that a "non-verbal bridge" is a method to safely enter someone's personal space and foster connection, leading to increased oxytocin. She provides examples like handing something over, a high-five, or a light touch on the elbow as ways to create this connection with consent.

"The biggest mistake that we make is the question inflection so the question inflection is when we go up at the end of our sentences right it's also called up talk so if i were to don't do up talk don't do up talk we're going to talk about why so when we use the question inflection it cues the other person's brain to know ah we're being asked a question the problem is is that when we accidentally use the question inflection it makes people question you right they really trust what they're saying right."

Vanessa Van Edwards identifies "question inflection," or upspeak, as a common communication error where sentences end with an upward tone, mimicking a question. She explains that this vocal pattern can unintentionally cause listeners to question the speaker's confidence and the validity of their statements.

"What they found is the doctors who had the lowest warmth and competence ratings had the highest rate of malpractice lawsuits that implies that we don't just sue doctors based on their skills we sue doctors based on our perception of their skills and that happens in the first few seconds of hearing them so your communication is everything everything it's not just the words you're using are they warm are they competent it's even how you're saying the words."

Vanessa Van Edwards presents research indicating a correlation between low perceived warmth and competence in doctors' vocal tones and higher rates of malpractice lawsuits. She argues that this suggests perceptions of a person's skills, influenced by their communication style, can be as critical as their actual abilities.

"The problem is is his first impression was very low in competence and so he had a lot of trouble having the sharks take him seriously who's a very competent individual building his business right he was very smart intelligent knew the technology how to build product teams all these things get sales whatever it was but the warmth wasn't there as well it seems like right like the trustworthy charisma warmth confidence he undersignaled every step of the way so he undersignaled warmth he undersignaled competence and then was trying to dial up competence and you hear in the rest of the pitch he's trying to build it back up."

Vanessa Van Edwards analyzes Jamie Siminoff's pitch, suggesting his initial low competence cues, particularly his use of question inflection, hindered the sharks' ability to take him seriously. She posits that despite his intelligence and business acumen, Siminoff failed to effectively signal warmth and trustworthiness, making it difficult to regain credibility.