Clarifying Parental Support for Band Programs Through Clear Communication

Key Quotes

"The reason that happens is when someone lays out some clarity a lot of people feel judged by it and and this is not judgment this isn't me telling you you're doing it wrong what this is what i hope for it to be is a reset it's something you've heard me talk about a lot if you've gotten past my condescending nature i want to reset things i want to help you guys reset and regulate because when i read through that thread what i didn't see was bad intentions i saw people who cared deeply and they were talking past each other"

The author, Mike, explains that when clarity is provided, some listeners may feel judged, but his intention is not to criticize. Instead, Mike hopes to offer a "reset" and help parents and directors regulate their reactions. He observed that the conflict stemmed from people talking past each other, not from bad intentions.

"most parents aren't trying to take over a band program they're just there trying not to mess it up and and most of your directors are not trying to shut out parents they're trying to manage limited time limited staff and about 10 000 moving parts all while trying to do right by the kids and the problem isn't intent the problem is that nobody ever clearly explained what help actually looks like in this space"

Mike highlights that the core issue in conflicts between parents and directors is not malicious intent but a lack of clear communication about what constitutes helpful support. He clarifies that parents generally want to support without overstepping, and directors are managing numerous constraints, making it crucial to define actionable ways parents can assist effectively.

"boosters legally control funds but that does not mean boosters own the program and i understand that there are some booster structures out there that are completely different and some don't even have boosters and they just have a pto but i think you get what i'm saying here just because you control the money does not mean you own the program you don't make all the decisions you make some of them and and this is where where things got heated fundraising authority does not equal educational authority the healthiest programs understand this balance boosters exist to support the directors' educational vision not to replace it not to steer it not to crowdsource it"

Mike addresses a common point of contention by distinguishing between financial control and program ownership. He argues that while boosters manage funds, they do not direct the educational vision of the program. Mike emphasizes that the role of boosters is to support the director's established goals, not to dictate or alter them.

"well a lot of the discussion veered off towards student responsibility and students asking their director and i get it you know i i didn't want to be pestered about dumb questions ask your section leader and my bands i i had bigger bands nice small bands my band in dallas is 30 kids that just come ask me don't don't worry you're just just ask me it's not a big deal and i would have that discussion with kids but in the group parents were taking it as oh students should ask their band director all types no this is not that's not the point of this group this group is for band parents it's called band parents tips tools and resources it wasn't geared towards kids there shouldn't be any students in that group honestly"

Tim clarifies a misunderstanding that arose from a post about asking directors questions. He explains that the original intent was for parents to direct their questions to the appropriate person, not to suggest that students should avoid asking their directors. Tim points out that the online group was specifically for parents, not students, and the discussion had veered off track.

"i just want y'all to before you post in this group i and i could have reworded the the post better i should have said in this group only if you have a question and you haven't haven't asked your band director yet please do so because you know it's important especially those instrument choices or or even dci what courses are great for dci ask your band director they know if they don't know then they'll tell you"

Tim reflects on his earlier post and acknowledges that he could have worded it more clearly to avoid misinterpretation. He reiterates that when asking questions within the parent group, especially about instrument choices or specific programs like DCI, parents should first consult their band director, as directors possess the most relevant knowledge for their specific students and programs.

"talk to your directors first if there's an issue talk to your directors first unless it's some kind of essay or or abuse or something like that i don't we don't that's not something you go to the director first about you go above but anything that is not approaching essay or something like that violence you need to go to your directors first and get the story from your kiddo but understand that your kiddo may be i don't want to say mistaken but may have a different perspective than may have happened"

Mike offers a key piece of advice for parents: always communicate with directors first regarding issues, unless the situation involves serious harm or abuse. He cautions parents to consider that their child's perspective might differ from the reality of the situation, emphasizing the importance of getting the full story from multiple sources before escalating.