Three Paths to a Fulfilling Life: Happiness, Meaning, Richness

The conventional wisdom on "living a good life" often oversimplifies a complex human aspiration. While many instinctively chase happiness or a sense of purpose, research suggests there's a third, often overlooked, dimension: psychological richness. This conversation with Richard Sima, a neuroscientist and columnist for The Washington Post, and insights from researchers like Shige Oishi and Erin Westgate, reveals that a truly fulfilling existence might not be about stable contentment or grand achievements alone, but about embracing interesting, perspective-changing experiences, even those that are uncomfortable. The hidden consequence of solely pursuing happiness or meaning is the potential neglect of life's adventurous, novel, and challenging moments, which, ironically, are often the experiences people regret not having later in life. This analysis is crucial for anyone feeling stuck, seeking deeper fulfillment, or simply wanting to ensure their life narrative is one of rich exploration rather than just comfortable routine.

The Uncomfortable Truth About Happiness and Meaning

The pursuit of a "good life" is as old as philosophy itself, but modern science offers a more grounded, albeit sometimes counterintuitive, perspective. For decades, researchers focused on two primary dimensions: happiness and meaning. Happiness, as commonly understood, is characterized by a prevalence of positive emotions over negative ones -- a life that feels good. Meaning, on the other hand, stems from a sense of purpose, making a difference, and having a direction. Both are undeniably valuable, and many people would readily choose one or the other if forced. However, as psychologist Shige Oishi discovered, focusing solely on these two can lead to a significant omission.

Oishi's realization, born from discussions with his graduate students, was that a life could be both happy and meaningful, yet still feel incomplete. What was missing? The element of novelty, challenge, and the unexpected. This led to the identification of a third path: psychological richness. This dimension is defined by having interesting, perspective-changing experiences. It's the antithesis of a stable, routine-bound existence. Think of the adventurer, the explorer, the lifelong learner who embraces the unknown.

"If somebody's happy, somebody feels their life is meaningful, is it the full life? ... Yeah, maybe something is missing."

-- Shige Oishi

This insight challenges the conventional wisdom that prioritizes comfort and predictability. While happiness might be about a high "batting average" of good moments, psychological richness is about the "career highlights" -- those unique, often challenging experiences that shape one's worldview. The implication is profound: a life solely dedicated to avoiding discomfort or maximizing immediate pleasure might, in the long run, lead to a sense of regret for the experiences not pursued.

The Allure of Adventure and the Fear of Boredom

The concept of psychological richness gains traction when contrasted with its opposite: boredom. Erin Westgate's research on boredom revealed a surprising human tendency to avoid it at all costs, even to the point of self-inflicted discomfort. In one study, participants chose to shock themselves rather than sit alone with their thoughts. This highlights a deep-seated aversion to mental stillness, suggesting that a lack of stimulation can be perceived as worse than pain.

This aversion to boredom is precisely what fuels the pursuit of psychological richness. If a life can be happy and meaningful but also boring, then something fundamental is missing from our definition of a good life. The researchers found examples in history and literature of individuals who, while perhaps not conventionally "happy" or solely focused on altruism, lived lives of immense adventure and intellectual exploration. Eugenie Clark, the pioneering marine biologist, serves as an example: a life marked by challenges, discrimination, and multiple marriages, but also filled with globe-trotting, diving with sharks, and constant intellectual stimulation.

The crucial takeaway here is that these three paths -- happy, meaningful, and psychologically rich -- are not mutually exclusive but represent distinct orientations. While most people, when asked to choose just one, gravitate towards happiness (around 60%), a significant portion also values meaning (25-30%). However, it's the smaller group (12-13%) who choose psychological richness, and the even more striking finding from Oishi, is that when people reflect on their lives and regrets, they most often lament the missed opportunities for richer experiences.

"What's the opposite of a boring life? He was like, 'Well, the opposite of a boring life is a psychologically rich life.'"

-- Erin Westgate

This suggests a potential systemic flaw in how we prioritize our life choices. We might be optimizing for a comfortable present at the expense of a more vibrant, albeit potentially more challenging, future narrative. The discomfort of the unknown, the difficulty of new learning, or the disruption of routine are often avoided, yet these are precisely the ingredients that can lead to a life rich in perspective and memorable experiences.

Navigating the Paths: Actionable Steps for a Fuller Life

Understanding these three dimensions is not just an academic exercise; it's a practical guide for self-improvement. The "Good Life Quiz," adapted from the researchers' work, offers a way to assess where one stands and what one truly values. The true advantage lies not just in self-awareness, but in the ability to intentionally shift towards a desired path.

For those seeking more meaning, the path involves sustained effort and connection. It's not about a single act of volunteering, but about consistently supporting loved ones and engaging in activities that contribute to something larger than oneself. This requires ongoing commitment, a delayed payoff that builds over time.

Conversely, cultivating psychological richness demands curiosity, spontaneity, and a willingness to embrace discomfort. This might mean taking a different route to work to discover a new neighborhood, learning a skill one might not be good at, or traveling to unfamiliar places. The key is to actively seek out novel experiences that challenge one's perspective. Journaling these experiences can help solidify their impact, transforming fleeting moments into lasting insights.

"The way Shige put it was like, happiness is sort of like your batting average of good experiences, whereas psychological richness might be your career highlights."

-- Richard Sima

The research also offers a crucial insight into managing the overwhelming nature of long-term life planning. Instead of fixating on distant goals, the focus should be on the journey and the small steps taken daily. Just as happiness is often found in the frequency of small joys, building a rich or meaningful life is about consistent, manageable actions. Embracing a psychologically rich path, for instance, means that the pursuit itself--the learning, the exploration, the challenge--is the reward, regardless of a specific, predefined outcome. This reframes life not as a series of goals to be achieved, but as an ongoing exploration.

• Embrace the "Joy Snacks": Prioritize small, frequent moments of happiness throughout your day, rather than relying on infrequent, large events. (Immediate)
• Sustain Meaningful Connections: Actively nurture relationships with loved ones through consistent support and engagement. This is an ongoing investment. (Ongoing)
• Seek Novelty in the Mundane: Intentionally vary your routine, even in small ways, such as taking a different commute route or trying a new recipe. (Daily)
• Journal Your "Career Highlights": Document perspective-changing experiences to solidify their impact and retain their lessons. (Weekly)
• Pursue Learning with Curiosity: Engage in new subjects or skills, not for mastery, but for the richness of the learning process itself. (Ongoing investment, pays off in 6-12 months)
• Plan for Discomfort: Actively seek out experiences that push your boundaries, understanding that this discomfort is a precursor to growth and richness. (This pays off in 12-18 months)
• Reflect on Regrets: Use the insight that people often regret not doing things to inform current choices, prioritizing experiences over pure comfort. (Immediate reflection, informs long-term choices)