Unlearning Self-Criticism and Manipulation for Authentic Growth

Key Quotes

"People pleasing is actually manipulation you're manipulating people so they like you I'm not some pushover I actually want people to like me so I am willing to manipulate them by staying silent or doing things I don't want to do or not expressing my boundaries because I at all costs just want people to like me."

Mel Robbins explains that people-pleasing is a form of manipulation, not weakness. She argues that individuals engage in this behavior strategically to gain approval from others, often by suppressing their own needs and boundaries. This reframing aims to empower individuals by highlighting the active strategy involved, rather than a passive trait.

"The more stressed out that you are, the more the self criticism dials up. There's some relationship between you being in kind of fight or flight and your inability to be kinder and more present and compassionate with yourself."

This quote from Mel Robbins connects stress and self-criticism. Robbins suggests that when individuals are in a state of fight or flight due to stress, their capacity for self-compassion diminishes. This implies that managing stress levels is crucial for fostering a kinder internal dialogue.

"We are not neurologically physiologically emotionally designed to actually see ourselves and we are designed Jay to connect with other people and so if you're looking at other people you in a nanosecond your brain immediately goes into this like judgy mode because you're judging okay is this a person whose energy i vibe with and i kind of want to connect with this person or is this a person whose energy is off so i kind of want to move away from them."

Mel Robbins posits that humans are not biologically wired to constantly observe themselves. Instead, our brains are designed for social connection, leading to an immediate judgment of others. Robbins explains that this natural tendency to assess others is misapplied when we excessively view ourselves, contributing to self-criticism.

"You are not responsible for what was done to you but you are responsible for what you do next and I choose to believe that human beings basically families well first of all you know families teach you how to love people you hate that's why they have families second you know we've had expert after expert bo and I come on and ironically we dropped an episode today about emotionally immature parents people can only give you what they have to give this does not excuse abuse this does not mean that you didn't deserve to have family or past experiences where you felt seen and taken care of and loved for who you are and supported."

In this quote, Mel Robbins addresses the impact of past hurts, particularly within families. She emphasizes that while individuals are not accountable for the harm inflicted upon them, they are responsible for their subsequent actions. Robbins suggests that people can only offer what they possess, implying that understanding this limitation can foster compassion, even in the absence of excusing harmful behavior.

"I refuse to believe that this is how it ends. I love that. That I believe that this moment no matter how sucky it is is preparing me for something in the future that I do not know is going to happen."

Jay Shetty shares a personal mantra that reflects a belief in future potential despite current difficulties. Shetty articulates that even challenging moments serve a purpose in preparing individuals for future, unknown opportunities. This perspective encourages resilience by framing present struggles as part of a larger, positive trajectory.