Transforming Grief: Honoring Love Through Honesty, Forgiveness, and Ritual
TL;DR
- Grief is a receipt for deep love, not a sign of weakness, and its presence validates the profound connection shared with someone or something lost.
- Forgiveness in grief is not condoning the act but releasing personal burdens of anger and shame, preventing tragedy from hardening one's heart.
- Honesty and open communication with loved ones are crucial, as unspoken words before a loss can lead to profound regret and a lack of closure.
- Healing from loss is not a linear process but an evolution of learning to coexist with absence, recognizing that love transforms rather than vanishes.
- Honoring invisible losses, such as miscarriage or the loss of a pet, is vital, as these experiences are valid and deserve the same space for grief as any other.
- Focusing on the beauty and richness of a life lived, rather than solely on the circumstances of its end, allows for a more balanced and celebratory remembrance.
- Small, consistent daily rituals can provide significant comfort and headspace during grief, offering a sense of normalcy and a gentle path toward healing.
Deep Dive
Grief is a universal experience, often amplified during holidays, yet rarely taught how to navigate. This episode, featuring conversations with Kate Cassidy, Nicole Avant, Karan Johar, and Taylor Hill, reveals that healing is not a linear process but a journey of coexisting with loss, finding comfort in small rituals, and carrying love forward in new forms. The core implication is that by embracing honest conversations, practicing forgiveness, and honoring all types of loss, individuals can move through grief with resilience, transforming pain into a testament to the love that once was.
Kate Cassidy's experience of losing her partner highlights that healing is found not in grand gestures but in small, consistent rituals, like listening to shared music or noticing subtle signs. This underscores that grief is deeply personal and unpredictable, marked by waves of numbness, sadness, and even laughter, emphasizing the importance of trusting one's own emotional compass. The profound impact of a specific sign--the number four appearing repeatedly after her partner's death--illustrates how these moments can provide tangible connection and reassurance, transforming the feeling of isolation into a sense of presence.
Nicole Avant's journey through the tragic loss of her mother demonstrates that resilience can be cultivated through faith, forgiveness, and gratitude. She posits that while tragedies are inevitable, the power lies in choosing one's response, refusing to let bitterness take root. Forgiveness, in her view, is not condoning the act but releasing the burden of anger to protect one's own well-being. Avant’s shift from focusing on the tragedy to celebrating her mother's 81 years of life exemplifies how reframing perspective can foster healing and prevent the end of a life from overshadowing its beauty.
Karan Johar’s reflections on his father's terminal cancer diagnosis emphasize the profound healing power of open communication. The unexpected conversations about life, regrets, and achievements provided him with complete closure, a stark contrast to his mother's ongoing struggle for closure years later. Johar’s narrative stresses the urgency of expressing what matters now, highlighting that unresolved issues and unspoken words can become lasting burdens, while honest dialogue offers resolution and connection. The practical, business-minded letter his father left him further illustrates that closure can manifest in unexpected, tangible forms that guide future actions.
Taylor Hill addresses the often-minimized grief associated with miscarriage and the loss of pets, emphasizing that these losses are valid and deserve acknowledgment. Her experience highlights the isolation that can accompany such grief, particularly when societal validation is lacking. Hill’s narrative reveals that true support during grief often comes not from trying to fix the situation, but from simply being present, holding space, and allowing the grieving person to emote without judgment. The deep, unconditional love from her dog, Tate, served as a source of motivation to grow and be better, demonstrating that the bonds formed with animals can be as profound and impactful as human relationships.
Ultimately, this collection of experiences underscores that grief is not about forgetting or "getting over" loss, but about evolving with it. It is a testament to love, a receipt from the universe confirming deep connection. By embracing honesty, forgiveness, and the validation of all forms of loss, individuals can navigate their grief, allowing love to guide their healing and carry them forward.
Action Items
- Draft 3-5 daily rituals: Document specific activities (e.g., listening to shared music, noticing signs) to honor loved ones and foster healing.
- Create a "Say What Matters" checklist: Identify 5-10 key conversations to have with loved ones, prioritizing honesty and emotional expression.
- Implement a "Grief Receipt" framework: For 3-5 significant losses, document the love experienced as proof of connection, not just the pain of absence.
- Schedule weekly check-ins: For 2-3 individuals experiencing loss, offer presence and listening without attempting to fix, respecting their pace.
Key Quotes
"I think so many people listening or watching whether they've lost someone close to them or I think people struggle to know what to say people struggle to know what to do themselves when they've lost someone what what worked for you I think at the end of the day you need to listen and trust your heart because grief comes in so many waves so many different emotions you're going to wake up you're going to feel numb you're going to wake up you're going to feel sad you're going to feel angry you're going to feel one day you're going to wake up and you're going to laugh and you're going to just think of good moments you had and then you're going to find yourself just this laugh turning into this hysterical cry and I think that grief is something that you never know what to expect and it hits everybody so differently so I think the best you know some advice that I would give just some general advice would be to always trust your gut some things for me might not work for other people I think keeping a consistent of course schedule routine and I'm not saying waking up in the morning from 9 am having a strategic plan throughout the day and then not getting home until 8 pm of course not your mind needs time to rest and think and heal but even just if you take one activity per day it could just be walking baking going to the gym going to a pilates class just any type of small thing it just helps so much with your headspace but I think for me one thing that really has helped me so much and that makes me feel so full of light and love is seeing signs and I see so many signs of Liam and I'm such a believer in signs I believe in manifesting and I know that he's with me and I feel him all the time and I remember at first when he passed away I didn't feel him for I'd say the first five days and I know that's not a long amount of time but obviously five days when you're not with somebody after being with them 24/7 it feels like you know five years so I remember getting kind of angry and just being like talking to Liam just saying why haven't you shown me any signs and I remember one day it was before I flew out to England so I was still in our house in Florida I sat on his the floor of his closet and I started crying hysterically and I was so angry with him I said show me a sign this is so unfair like are you here with me show me a sign and this is a stage of grief that also I want people to know it's okay to be angry and it's okay to cry and it's okay to say things it's okay and I was crying and I was just saying I'm so disappointed I love you so much but I need you to show me a sign because I don't feel you and I remember I went back downstairs and it's just it was such a simple thing but my friends asked me do you want anything from McDonald's and at this point it was so hard for me to even hold down food I was barely eating and for me me and Liam we loved McDonald's it was something that we would probably get like twice a week which I know is not the healthiest option it was just a part of like just kind of our childlike things to do and we would always get the happy meal toy we always would get the happy meal toy it was always also Liam's idea to do that he was such a kid at heart and he would always get the happy meal toy and I said to my friends you know what get me a kid's meal I'm not even hungry I really don't want to eat but I'll try to I'll try to eat something but I just want to see what the happy meal toy is I really just I want to see what it is so they came back they brought me the happy meal and it came in this like because it was around Halloween it came in this trick or treat bin instead of the cardboard McDonald's like happy meal box and I remember when they gave it to me I was I was annoyed because I was like this is the happy meal toy I thought I was going to get like a little cute thing that maybe would have been a symbol of Liam or something that Liam would have liked there's something like cute that could just make me feel a little lifted I was just my head was everywhere just even thinking that I could get any sort of positivity and light from a happy meal kid's meal toy that was just where my headspace was and I was so angry I didn't get any type of toy I just got a trick or treat bin that obviously I'm not going trick or treating so then I opened the I opened the lid to try to eat some of the food and I noticed there's this maze on the back of the lid and it was kind of one of those mazes where it's like count how many black cats count how many ghosts count how many pumpkins you can find and I obviously I didn't try to even do the maze why would I and on the back of it it said the answers in small little letters so you can I guess match it up to see if you won the puzzle and our angel numbers have always been four any sequence of four and the answers on the back of it were four four four and that was immediately the first sign I got from Liam and the number four symbolizes guidance and support from your angels and this has been such a big part of our relationship I mean he had the number four initial on his finger I ended up getting it after he passed away and I think that four was such a big part of our every single letter he's written me he has ended it with your four four four it's just it was always our thing so the fact that I got these this happy meal toy and the answer said four four four that was Liam listening to me and he was giving me a sign saying I know I am here I am here you're not alone like I am here and it made me feel so just my I just lit up I remember and I still I still kept the little map I have folded up and it's in my bedside drawer and it sounds like you've seen so many other signs after that as well yeah I have and I see so many signs and I came to LA obviously to be here I came to LA and I've never been to LA without Liam before I've only been with Liam we've went a handful of times together and we've created so many memories here and and when I landed in LA I felt like part of me was missing I just even getting on the plane just sitting alone you know not next to Liam just felt so wrong and I'm just still you know everything that I do I'm missing Liam I'm thinking of Liam but being in this city that I love and I have this connection with LA I love it so much without the person that I love who brought me here and showed me around LA and introduced me to this wonderful city it just felt so empty and I think on my second or third night here me and my friend went to a basketball game and we were on our way to the basketball game we were in an Uber and
Resources
External Resources
Books
- "Signs" by Lauren Jackson - Mentioned as a book for those who love learning about and knowing about signs.
Articles & Papers
- "Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Tools For Navigating Grief That Will Bring You Comfort When Nothing Else Can Ft. Kate Cassidy & Taylor Hill" (On Purpose with Jay Shetty) - Mentioned as the episode title.
People
- Kate Cassidy - Guest who shared her experience of losing her partner and finding healing through small rituals.
- Nicole Avant - Guest who reflected on the loss of her mother and how forgiveness, faith, and gratitude became tools for resilience.
- Karan Johar - Guest who spoke about losing his father and the importance of honest conversations before passing for closure.
- Taylor Hill - Guest who honored different forms of grief, including miscarriage and the loss of a pet.
- Jay Shetty - Host of the podcast "On Purpose."
- Liam - Kate Cassidy's deceased partner, whose signs she perceived after his death.
- Lauren Jackson - Author of the book "Signs."
- Penny - Friend of Taylor Hill who shared the perspective that grief is a receipt for love.
- Tate - Taylor Hill's deceased dog, who was her best friend and inspiration for starting a pet company.
- Dr. Julie Smith - Guest on a previous episode, discussed for her insights on unblocking negative emotions and embracing difficult feelings.
- Shaq (Shaquille O'Neal) - Mentioned as a public figure who struggles with moderate obstructive sleep apnea.
- Questlove - Musician, producer, and guest on a podcast discussing Mark Ronson's memoir and DJing in the 90s.
- Mark Ronson - Author of the memoir "Night People."
- Pharrell Williams - Friend of Nicole Avant who helped her celebrate her mother's legacy.
- T.J. Jakes - Friend of Nicole Avant who offered perspective on focusing on her mother's 81 years of life rather than her last five minutes.
Organizations & Institutions
- iHeart Podcast - Mentioned as the network for the podcast.
- Marie Callender's - Mentioned for their classic chicken parmesan bowl.
- iVIM Health - Medical weight loss program discussed for individualized and virtual plans.
- Skyrizi - Prescription treatment for moderate to severe plaque psoriasis.
- Lilly - A medicine company providing information about obstructive sleep apnea.
- Chase Sapphire Reserve - A credit card offering access to airport lounges.
Websites & Online Resources
- news.jayshetty.me/subscribe - URL provided for subscribing to Jay Shetty's newsletter.
- lnk.to/JayShettyPodcast - URL provided for Apple subscription to bonus content.
- omnystudio.com/listener - URL provided for privacy information.
- dontsleeponosa.com - Website to learn more about obstructive sleep apnea.
- chase.com/sapphirereserve - Website to learn more about the Chase Sapphire Reserve card.
Other Resources
- Grief - Central theme of the episode, discussed in various forms and stages.
- Signs - Perceived indicators from deceased loved ones, discussed by Kate Cassidy and Taylor Hill.
- Forgiveness - Discussed by Nicole Avant as a tool for resilience and not letting pain define her life.
- Faith - Discussed by Nicole Avant as a source of strength during difficult times.
- Gratitude - Mentioned by Nicole Avant as a tool for resilience.
- Resilience - Discussed in relation to navigating grief and loss.
- Miscarriage - Discussed by Taylor Hill as a type of grief that is often minimized.
- Loss of a pet - Discussed by Taylor Hill as a type of grief that is often minimized.
- Obstructive Sleep Apnea (OSA) - Discussed in relation to Shaq and other adults with obesity.
- Medical Weight Loss Program - Discussed in relation to iVIM Health.
- Plaque Psoriasis - Discussed in relation to Skyrizi.
- Angel Numbers - Specifically the number four, discussed by Kate Cassidy as a sign from her deceased partner.
- Free Will - Discussed by Nicole Avant in relation to the choices people make.
- Communication - Emphasized by Karan Johar as crucial for closure and resolving issues with parents.
- Parental Trauma - Mentioned as something that can be addressed through communication.
- Unconditional Love - Discussed in relation to the love dogs have for humans.
- Soul Dog - Concept of a deep, soulmate-like connection with a dog, discussed by Taylor Hill.
- Motivation - Discussed as an emotion that, like others, can be inconsistent.